8 Things I Learned From The Vice Presidential Debate
(That I Already Knew)
Published Fri Oct 12, 2012 2:00pm PST
1.) This was pointless.
It's two guys attacking each other over a job where you don't do anything but wait around for your partner to get murdered. I watched it so that I could talk about it, so that I could be able to say I know what's going on. But it was basically a 90-minute waste of my life. And I knew it was going to be, that's why I DVR'ed it and watched the Titans-Steelers live instead. Watching the Vice Presidential Debate is like tuning in for episodes of American Idol: Nobody watches that sh*t anymore, but just in case they do...
2.) It's the world's most highly publicized wingman contest.
It's two guys talking up some other dude. "Hey, my bro wants to holler at you. And he's got his own plane." "Well, my bro wants your digits and he's got his own car elevator."
3.) I don't like Paul Ryan's face.
As a prideful nation, we like to think our election process is important and sophisticated. But it's not. Like all contests where people vote for a person, it's a popularity pageant. And we think the way a person looks should not matter when it comes to government and ideas, but it completely does. And I don't like the way Ryan looks: smarmy and untrustworthy.
4.) Mitt Romney ruined Jim Lehrer before even laying a hand on PBS.
After the way Romney rolled over Lehrer in the 1st Presidential Debate, the media grew very self-conscious of its own power. Instead of defending Lehrer's effort(?), every newsman and newswoman reminded us of Lehrer's feebleness and poured a spotlight onto the Vice Prez Debate moderator's chair. How did moderator Martha Raddatz fare with the candidates? She shut them the f**k up when she wanted to. But that was all at expense to Lehrer. His fiasco allowed Raddatz to prepare herself to come with a sternness that, if played under normal circumstances, would have made her come off as a rude douche. But that rude douche bar had been raised in the first debate. Thanks, Romney.
5.) Joe Biden does not give two sh*ts...
...about rebuttals or staying respectfully quiet while others are talking. Democrats and MSNBC analysts criticized Obama for not attacking Romney on his lies during the first debate. Joe Biden said, "I got this!" and proceeded to do what the President didn't...in a way that nobody asked it to be done. Joe, they meant the President should have called out Romney's lies after he was done saying them. After. Biden was like a Comic-Con dweeb pointing out plot holes in the middle of a Michael Bay premiere. Dammit, I know it doesn't make sense to drop Megatron into the middle of the Pacific Ocean, but we can talk about that after the credits roll!
6.) But Joe Biden does give a sh*t.
About this country. About its people. About this administration. About winning this election. It shows. And it bodes well for Biden in the 2016 primary. Biden may be seen as a bumbling gaffe machine, but that's because he's honest. And he's a fighter, which is rare in the Democratic Party these days. My favorite moment of the debate was when Biden kept asking the Republicans to "get out of the way." Who says that in an organized public debate??? Somebody who doesn't give two sh*ts about your bullsh*t but gives a sh*t about getting rid of that sh*t, that's who. Biden 2016!
7.) Romney/Ryan may or may not something or other.
They want the troops out of Afghanistan immediately...if that looks like something we should do. They want to increase our military budget by $1 trillion...by not decreasing our military budget by $1 trillion. They want to put the $716 billion Obamacare took out of Medicare back into Medicare...and take it back out of Medicare to use in their healthcare plan. They have a plan to solve the deficit by removing tax loopholes and deductions...which they will figure out once they get into office and are able to consult with Democrats. I don't have a joke here. I'm just repeating what I understood to be the words coming out of Ryan's mouth. Am I misquoting?
8.) A debate is like a sports contest and we're just fans at a game.
Each person who tunes in is rooting for one side to crush the other. Everybody is rooting for their guy. Anybody who is watching and doesn't care which side wins is a reporter or an analyst. They're Al Michaels or Joe Buck. Because the people who aren't rooting either way, the people who most need to be watching the debates, the people who need to learn which side stands for what they want most so they can make an informed vote, those people aren't watching the debate. They're watching something else. Steelers-Titans maybe. Or T.I. and Tiny or Real Housewives of New Jersey. Or maybe, as I've always surmised, these undecided people don't...actually...exist.
~That Vice Bearded Mofo~