BEFORE AND AFTERMATH 2014: SUPERBOWL
Published Wed Dec 17, 2014 9:55pm PST
Bearded Mofo's War Journal
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
I'm... I'm alive.
This has never happened before.
I pat my body. No bullet holes. No stab wounds. Not even cleat marks.
Who is that? There in that heap? Oh, yeah. That's Allstate Mayhem. I did that to him. Or actually, Johnny Manziel did. 1.3? Yikes.
There's another guy on a stretcher. It's Hitmen. What happened to him? Done in by a 22. The Ravens D/ST's 22 points they scored against the Jaguars.
Hitmen has a little breath in him. I guess he'll survive if he gets that IV over th-- Oh, wait a minute. Allstate is reaching for it. I guess they both still have one more fight.
I got one more fight too. No fading into the dark, cold night this year. This year...
I am the dark, cold knight.
And my army is coming. We bring fire and anger and destruction, but leave mercy at home on the couch. Beware all those who stand in our way.
Oh, and Merry Christmas.
Signed,
That Fearded Mofo
AND THEN THERE WERE TWO...
(But Really Still Four)
In the undercard, last season's Superbowl loser Hitmen (9-6) goes at it with conference foe Allstate Mayhem (8-7) to see who's good enough to make it onto the podium. Get lively, folks. There's still money on the line! And as it's paid out it sounds like thirdthirdthirdthirdthird...
The Superbowl
GameTime Decision (14-1) vs Da,Pope (9-6)
It's sorta like a real Super Bowl with each team being from a different conference. GameTime adds a new entry to his fantasy football memories as he reaches the championship game for the first time in Gateway's ten seasons. Season of tenmories! I got it in again! Meanwhile, Da,Pope can act like he's been here because he has twice before. Pope lost the very first Superbowl alllll the way back in 2005 but won the trophy in the eighth Superbowl alllll the way back only two years ago.
These two teams started the season off together, and that's how they're going to end it. GameTime bested Da,Pope in that Week 1 skirmish 149.5 to 115.7. That near-150 score would go on to be only the 10th best score for GTD this season. It was a really good season. And it's been a really good half-season for Pope whose gotten 7 of his 9 victories over the last nine weeks and is averaging 142.4 since Week 10.
GameTime had the record-breaking season to break all record-breaking seasons. Most points ever. Most points in a game ever. First-, second-, and third-most points in a game this season. Longest winning streak. That streak currently sits at 13 but will need to get to 14 for GameTime to put a worthy cap on such a truly magical year. It's not easy writing about myself in third person, so I'll just end this paragraph about GTD now.
It's a bad time for Pope to be without his keeper WR Brandon Marshall. But Pope has dealt with star-player injuries all season, so he's used to it. Just a few names that once were, but no longer appear in Da,Pope's 2014 lineup and/or roster: Doug Martin, Ronnie Hillman, Victor Cruz. How did this team ever make it to the big dance? The 3 P's: Perseverance, Patience, and Punching in on the clock when it's time to roll. His players that were able to show up to play, actually showed up to play when it mattered most.
So what's gonna give? Consistently powerful weapons make GameTime the odds-on favorite every week, but the Week 16 matchups favor Pope heavily. How can all you degenerate gamblers figure out which box to check on your gambly gambling form? Easy. Let's get a closer spy at each of the guys that give us all the little numbers we use in our big ol' fantasy game.
QB (opp vs pass)
[GTD]
Andrew Luck @ DAL (14th)
Avg: 33.1 Rk: 1 Pos: 1
Did anyone see Andy Luck being the number one guy in fantasy this season? I'm gonna be honest: I sure didn't when I drafted him. Luck never scored below 21 fantasy points this season. He's known for slow starts, often finishing the first quarter with 2 turnovers and negative fantasy points. But quarters three and four? Watch out!
Ben Roethlisberger vs KC (9th)
Avg: 27.4 Rk: 5 Pos: 5
What a waste of a fantasy player. Playing behind Luck, Big Ben never got a start outside of the Colts' bye week. Gotta recognize him for back-to-back 6TD games. Without those games, though, Benny's average falls 5 points which would make him only the 13th best fantasy QB this season.
[DP]
Tom Brady @ NYJ (29th)
Avg: 26.4 Rk: 6 Pos: 6
Tom F. Brady--as the guys on PTI call him--has been putting up a steady stream of mid-20s over the last four weeks. That's from playing tough defenses like the Lions and Packers. This week he gets the soft like Charmin Jets who he torched for 31 back in Week 7. That was during his high trimester. See, Brady's season can be broken down into three 5-week trimesters. His high trimester (Weeks 6-10), he averaged a braggadocios 40 points. His medium trimester (Weeks 11-15), he averaged 25. His low trimester (Weeks 1-5), he averaged 16.9. Yuck. I mean, not yuck. I mean quick. Quick, we need that stinky early-season Brady back.
Mark Sanchez @ WAS (31st)
Avg: 19.7 Rk: 125 Pos: 31
No. Not even against the weak Washington Offensive Names.
RB (opp vs run)
[GTD]
Marshawn Lynch @ ARI (3rd)
Avg: 17.5 Rk: 33 Pos: 4
The best running back in the fantasy Superbowl. Lynch went for 4 TDs and 40.8 points in Week 10. But has only managed 2 TDs and hasn't reached 18 points since. Now is not the time for this funny business. Lynch's lowest score over that stretch was 9.7 which came against Arizona--AT HOME! Now he gets that defense again on the Cardinals' turf. Who scheduled these Superbowl matchups???
Jamaal Charles @ PIT (5th)
Avg: 16.5 Rk: 44 Pos: 7
Another great running back, another terrible matchup. Charles totally got vultured by backup Knile Davis last week, which put a severe hurt on Charles' average. What makes Pittsburgh's run defense so tough is that their pass defense suuucks. Shouldn't be hard for them to defend Alex Smith, though, which means the Steelers D will either rank better against the pass and worse against the rush this week, or they'll totally sell out the pass to focus hard on Charles.
Rashad Jennings @ STL (7th)
Avg: 11.7 Rk: 170 Pos: 24
Jennings should've been a monster this season, but it looks like he contracted the injury virus from his former Raiders teammate Darren McFadden. Jennings got the start for GTD three times this season and stunk it up the first two tries. I guess the 2nd Round draft pick isn't the special player he was hyped to be.
[DP]
C.J. Anderson @ CIN (29th)
Avg: 11.8 Rk: 118 Pos: 16
What a find! Ever since he took over for his injured NFL and fantasy teammate Ronnie Hillman, C.J. has been balling. If he's not going for 160+ rushing yards, he's scoring 3 TDs in one game. He took a step back against San Diego last week but gets a low-ranked Bengals D this week. Seriously, who scheduled these Superbowl matchups?!
Pierre Thomas vs ATL (32nd)
Avg: 9.7 Rk: 224 Pos: 36
Add this name to Pope's team injury list. He could make an appearance in the lineup what with the Falcons being so harrrible at defense. Dirty bird? More like flip the bird at that "run stoppage".
Alfred Blue vs BAL (1st)
Avg: 5.19 Rk: 345 Pos: 46
Sit yo ass down!
WR (opp vs pass)
[GTD]
Antonio Brown vs KC (11th)
Avg: 24.1 Rk: 10 Pos: 1
The number 3 pick of the draft is the number 1 wide receiver of the league and the only non-QB in the top-10. Big Ben loves him some Antonio to throw to. Brown has a 5 catches/50 yards per game streak going all the way back to last season. It's not guaranteed to continue this week, but against the Chiefs, why not?
T Y Hilton @ DAL (5th)
Avg: 18.5 Rk: 30 Pos: 8
Hilton started off slow, but caught fire midseason. His best game came against the Texans away; his second-worst came against them at home. That 9-point outing was last week and was due to a hamstring injury that could keep him out this week. I'm starting to think the fantasy gods want me to lose.
Mike Evans vs GB (19th)
Avg: 16.9 Rk: 42 Pos: 14
Second-best rookie receiver (behind Odell Beckham Jr.) going against the not-that-great Packers pass defense. I wanna do it...but McCown, though.
[DP]
Dez Bryant vs IND (3rd)
Avg: 19.4 Rk: 22 Pos: 4
He's a keeper. No, really. Da,Pope kept him from last year and you can see why. He's come a long way from being asked inappropriate questions during his scouting process. Bryant has 7 TDs in his last 5 games. However, this week, he faces a tough Colts pass D and doesn't have DeMarco Murray to take the heat off with the run game.
Torrey Smith @ HOU (31st)
Avg: 10.8 Rk: 102 Pos: 36
Took a dip from last season thanks to the arrival of Steve Smith Sr. But lo and behold, a great matchup this week. What a shocker.
Cecil Shorts III vs TEN (21st)
Avg: 9.0 Rk: 215 Pos: 67
Jacksonville Jaguars. Gross.
TE (opp vs pass)
[GTD]
Travis Kelce @ PIT (21st)
Avg: 11.1 Rk: 90 Pos: 8
A serviceable tight end. That doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement, but it is. Kelce's numbers are what you expect a good tight end's to be. He's no Gronk, Olsen, Martellus, Graham, or Thomas. But those guys aren't really tight ends, are they?
Kyle Rudolph @ MIA (1st)
Avg: 8.4 Rk: 448 Pos: 33
Spent most of the season hurt and on the bench. He can stay there.
[DP]
Julius Thomas @ CIN (16th)
Avg: 14.4 Rk: 82 Pos: 6
When he's healthy, watch out! But he hasn't been healthy. Thomas started off the season with a big 35.4, but hasn't reached 25 since. He's also had 4 single digit games this season, which is disheartening. You have to play him if he's playing, though. He's a ballcatcher on the Denver Peytons.
Heath Miller vs KC (6th)
Avg: 9.9 Rk: 124 Pos: 11
Not a great matchup, but Heath has been getting it done lately. Very serviceable.
Jacob Tamme @ CIN (16th)
Avg: 2.8 Rk: 691 Pos: 53
Ain't he hurt?
K (opp vs pts)
[GTD]
Adam Vinatieri @ DAL (2nd)
Avg: 9.7 Rk: 127 Pos: 3
Old man Vinatieri is still hanging out near the top of the fantasy kicker charts.
[DP]
Caleb Sturgis @ CIN (12th)
Avg: 8.6 Rk: 162 Pos: 9
I don't know which name is funnier: Caleb or Sturgis.
Phil Dawson vs SD (19th)
Avg: 7.4 Rk: 203 Pos: 14
Niners suck.
IDP (opp offense)
[GTD]
J.J. Watt (DL) vs BAL (10th)
Avg: 8.6 Rk: 163 Pos: 1
A frequent talking point this season is whether Watt should be league MVP because he's that good. I just want points for those 3 offensive TDs he caught.
DeMarcus Ware (DL) @ CIN (14th)
Avg: 4.0 Rk: 469 Pos: 17
He's good, right? Never getting in because of J.J. [clap] Dyno-Watt!
Luke Kuechly (LB) vs CLE (17th)
Avg: 9.2 Rk: 144 Pos: 2
How the heck do you get "keek-lee" from that name? I don't know, but he's a points-getting sonofabitch so he can pronounce it "cosby" for all I care.
Morgan Burnett (DB) @ TB (18th)
Avg: 7.9 Rk: 206 Pos: 2
Smith or Burnett? Smith or Burnett?
Harrison Smith (DB) @ MIA (10th)
Avg: 7.1 Rk: 217 Pos: 5
Burnett.
[DP]
Rob Ninkovich (DL) @ NYJ (28th)
Avg: 5.4 Rk: 330 Pos: 3
Hey hey! Ninkovich played in last year's Gateway Bowl. And topped his average then. But his team lost, so...
Thomas Davis (LB) vs CLE (17th)
Avg: 6.5 Rk: 280 Pos: 27
Suffered a hyperextended knee last week. Uh oh. That ain't good.
Barry Church (DB) vs IND (30th)
Avg: 6.32 Rk: 262 Pos: 6
Church will make you pray.
DEF (opp offense)
[GTD]
Patriots @ NYJ (24th)
Avg: 11.4 Rk: 87 Pos: 9
This just in: The Jets are bad. It's surprising the Patriots D/ST only scored 5 against them at home in Week 7.
Broncos @ CIN (14th)
Avg: 10.9 Rk: 97 Pos: 11
We had a good run all season, fellas. But you can sit this one out. Patriots got the Jets.
[DP]
Ravens @ HOU (8th)
Avg: 11.8 Rk: 74 Pos: 4
With Fitzpatrick out for the season, this looks like a sneaky good matchup.
Texans vs BAL (2nd)
Avg: 11.7 Rk: 75 Pos: 5
Oh, hey. This is the same game. His defenses are playing each other. Neat.
Good luck...well, me. Let's be honest.
It's been an exciting and active Season 10 in the Gateway Fantasy Football League. I'm glad to have celebrated it with you here every week. May everyone have a Merry Christmas and enjoy the holiday season magic all around. And while you're at it, don't forget to have a Happy New Year. And while you're remembering things, don't forget the best holiday gift to you... No more stressful Monday nights until September.
'Til 2015...
~That Bearded Mofo~