And Now An Elementary Lesson From The Joker Beast...
Fantasy Football is ass. Moving on.
The J-Beast is always about teaching and knowledge and the kids and all that crap. In honor of Sesame Street's 40th anniversary, let's get back to the basics.
Learning Your ABC's with The Joker Beast
Brought to you by SmackMack's Rent-A-Hoes: offering the finest in professional jobbing since March 29th.
A is for Anyone, Ass, and Awful as in:
Anyone who says Brett Favre woulda lost to the awful Buccaneers is a lying ass.
B is for Blue, Brown, and Burgundy as in:
Chris Brown left burgundy marks on Rihanna and the media keeps talking blue in the face about it.
C is for Call, Candlestick, and Cause as in:
They call it Candlestick Park 'cause Singletary melts hot wax on his players' nipples when they lose.
D is for Dirty, Dick, Dripping as in:
Dick Vermeil should still be dripping with rage over the dirty way the Rams pushed him out for Mike Martz.
What? I hope you weren't expecting something vulgar. This is a family presentation, brought to you by SmackMack's Rent-A-Hoes! When your ho is on the go, don't act slow...call Rent-A-Hoes!
E is for Every,
F is for F*cking, and
G is for Game as in:
Apparently, I'm just gonna lose every f*cking game from here on out.
H is for Hell, Hungry, and How as in:
How in the hungry hell are the NFL's two "smack-dab in the middle of the country" Missouri teams both in West divisions?
I is for Idiot, Impossible, and Innocent as in:
Larry Johnson: innocent idiot or impossible douchetard?
J is for Jail, Jokester, and Just as in:
Jokester Katt Williams looked just like Tom DeLay cheesing for his jail mugshot.
K is for Keep, Kerry, and Kid as in:
Why did the Titans go with Kerry Collins and keep that kid Vince on the bench for so long?
Orrr... How long could I keep Kerry Washington in my basement before anybody foun--I kid, I kid!
L is for Lawsuit, Lick, and Licorice as in:
A lawsuit followed because she said "licorice", but he heard "lick her wish".
Just a reminder, this lesson brought to you by SmackMack's Rent-A-Hoes. Head, shoulders, knees, and toes. Boink 'em all...Rent-A-Hoes!
M is for Madden, Massacre, and Memorial as in:
A memorial will be held next Tuesday after I massacre Madden Curse.
N is for Neck, New, and Nifty as in:
That suspended New Mexico women's soccer player plans to stay busy writing her how-to book "101 Nifty Ways To Break A Neck (And Get Caught)".
O is for Onto,
P is for Provide, and
Q is for Quarterback as in:
Matt Leinart must provide I.D. before being let onto an NFL field as a quarterback.
R is for Rejuvenation, Roids, and Rumor as in:
Rumor has it that a botched skin rejuvenation turned Sammy Sosa white, but I think maybe it's the roids.
S is for Sideline, Single, and Slip as in:
Ochocinco tried to slip the ref a single so the sideline review would go his way.
T is for That,
U is for Ugly, and
V is for Vagina as in:
Did you see that article on AOL about the woman with the ugly situation of her vagina falling out?
SmackMack's Rent-A-Hoes: Our vaginas don't drop. Unless you're into that kinda thing...
Rent-A-Hoes.
W is for Washington, Weep, and Wizards as in:
The Redskins, Wizards, and Nationals make Washington weep.
X is for Xebec, Xerox, and Xylem as in:
You can't form a logical sentence that contains xebec, Xerox, and xylem.
Y is for Yellow, You, and Your as in:
They call your momma Yellow Pages 'cause you can find errbody in her.
Z is for Zebras, Zero, and Zone as in:
The zebras gave the Eagles zero chance of winning by making obviously bad spots to keep them out of the red zone.
Now you know your ABC's. And don't forget SmackMack's Rent-A-Hoes. We got pros in different area codes. 72% disease free...
Rent-A-Hoooes!
That's all for today. Enjoy your week, errbody.
And, has anyone seen Lawrence Taylor? He was supposed to come pick me up?
~Joker Beast~
| Team Perfection (Ryan Bridges) says, |
| Nov 10, 2009 7:17:49 PM PST |
| Hey Joker.........I gotta give it to you............You come with it every week, with your postings. I for one have enjoyed every last one of them. I appreciate your time and effort towards putting out good material week to week. Now if you could just "come with it" in fantasy football, maybe you could put a few more "w's" in your win column and make the playoffs lol. My bad.......That was a low blow lol. I didn't have to do you like that lol. At the end of the day, there's light at the end of the tunnel for you. Technically speaking, you put up a better fight than your brother did lol. I beat him by 1.5 points and I only beat you by 1 lol. I guess that means your half of a point better than your brother. Take that thought with you into your match up against him this week. Maybe you can get a win, with the extra confidence booster lol. |
| Team Perfection (Ryan Bridges) says, |
| Nov 10, 2009 7:31:21 PM PST |
| Oh and Black................. Once again, its on. I got something special lined up for you, lil buddy. My advice to you is to bring a whole lot of Vaseline with you to our game............'Cuz its gon get bloody and uglly very, VERY quickly. Better luck next week for ya |