BEFORE AND AFTERMATH: ROUND TWO
Joker Beast's War Journal
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I'm dead.
Or as they'd say it on the internets:
I'm died. WTF! No lulz.
As I lay shredded by an NFL record-breaking performance, I look to my left. See Dub, Pope's body. He's down. Lifeless. Ol School comes to his aid, but--ooh! They got him right between Kurt Warner's eyes. To my right, Team Perfection tries to fend 'em off one-handed. He's putting up a hell of a fight. But, no. Dead 'fore his body hits the dirt.
There was nothing a single one of us could have done differently to win.
I'm too young to go. So many questions. Was Randy Moss really dogging it? What draft pick will I have? How will "Lost" end?
Fading fast. I'm losing more blood than Precious at her time of the month. Gross. Don't want that to be my last thought.
Let it be this. Fantasy [cough] [cough]...
Fantasy football [cough]... sucks!
[deep dying gasp]
[dying fart noises]
[long, lingering dying fart noises]
[I'm died]
...
...
Okay, call me The Joker Ghost. Now on to the...
TALE OF THE TAPE
Gladiators (13-1) vs Madden Curse (8-6)
Division adversaries, there was a long 10 weeks between their first two meetings. Gladiators owns both victories over Madden Curse, including the 118.5-112.5 showdown just 2 weeks ago. But Madden Curse scores points. A lot of points. This is a bout dripping with revenge possibilities. Or it could just be a reassertion of nearly undefeated dominance.
Advantages
Win Pct: Gladiators (.929)
Win Streak: Gladiators (4)
Points Avg: Madden Curse (119)
Biggest Win: Madden Curse (172.5, Wk 5)
Lowest Loss: Gladiators (Madden Curse's 73.5, Wk 1)
Heavy Hitter: Gladiators (Wes Welker)
Albatross: Madden Curse (Gladiators' Visanthe Shiancoe)
Advantage 4-3, Gladiators
Light It Up (9-5) vs Black da Ass Clown (9-5)
Conference adversaries, Black owns the Week 4 victory over Light It Up. They battled midseason over who would be king of the Horizontal Conference. Light It Up took the win in that race. Light It Up is poised for more revenge, but Black da Ass Clown is a crafty team that knows how to take advantage of an opponent's weak matchups.
Advantages
Win Pct: Tie (.643)
Win Streak: Black da Ass Clown (2)
Points Avg: Light It Up (111.1)
Biggest Win: Light It Up (157.5, Wk 10)
Lowest Loss: Light It Up (Black da Ass Clown's 60, Wk 1)
Heavy Hitter: Light It Up (Chris Johnson)
Albatross: Light It Up (Black da Ass Clown's Steve Smith)
Advantage 5-1-1, Light It Up
Good luck to all competitors.
I'm hungry. I wonder what they have to eat up in Fantasy Football Heaven.
Houlihan's?
Wait a minute. This isn't Fantasy Heaven!
No. No! Noooooooooo! !O_o!
~Joker Ghost~
| Gladiators (Demerrio Griffin) says, |
| Dec 17, 2009 8:15:01 AM PST |
| Like I told you before I love your articles. This needs to go public, think about big things next year (possibly a fantasy magazine for all the fantasy sports fanatics) let me know when your ready, we'll put together some ideas. |
| Team Perfection (Ryan Bridges) says, |
| Dec 17, 2009 1:50:00 PM PST |
| "I'm losing more blood than Precious during her time of the month." That had me laughin for 5 minutes straight lol. Once upon a time I was worried about you losing your "writers edge" so to speak. These last two columns you came up with proofed to me your like a foreign Honda or Toyota..........You still got a lot left in the tank lol . Oh and before I forget to tell you, the Fantasy Psychic told me to tell you keep up the good work. Keep sharpening your skills and maybe next year he'll offer you an internship with his Psychic Network . Peace! |