That Bearded Mofo

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And Now Defining The Game With The Joker Beast...

Did you know that the name Light It Up has 3 vowels but only 2 wins? Fascinating.


Congratulations to all the winners on another fantastic week. And for all you losers, perhaps you can increase your fantasy fortune by increasing your football knowledge. School is back in session and here are 9 definitions to get more football into the heads of all you footballheads.


Definition: Using a leg or foot to trip another player. Results in a 10-yard penalty against the offending team.
In a sentence: Andy Reid changed his mind about Kolb 'cause he knew he was tripping.
Or: I tried to talk Pam Oliver into a ménage, but she started tripping.

Cover 2
Definition: The two safeties are responsible for the two deep zones, or halves, starting at about 13 yards from the line of scrimmage. This leaves more defenders closer to the line of scrimmage, providing quicker run support and help with the short pass and timing routes.
In a sentence: Brett Favre keeps un-retiring because he has to cover 2 mortgages.
Or: I find the NBC show Undercovers 2 terrible 2 watch, imo. Smh

Shut Down Corner
Definition: A cornerback who is so good at his position that he "shuts down" an entire side of the field.
In a sentence: If you're looking for action, don't go down on North Florissant and St. Louis Ave. It's a shut down corner.

Illegal Shift
Definition: An offensive player fails to reset for at least one second after two players shift position at the same time. Results in a 5-yard penalty against the offending team.
In a sentence: When Mark Sanchez looked inside Santonio Holmes' medicine cabinet, he exclaimed, "That's some illegal shift!"

Fair Catch
Definition: When a kick returner waves one hand in the air, signaling he will only catch a punt or kickoff and will not advance it, thereby protecting himself from being hit by an opponent.
In a sentence: Kerry Washington is quite a fair catch.

Free Kick
Definition: A type of kick taken to start or restart play after a team has scored.
In a sentence: Al Michaels once heard John Madden in the shower singing, "We can free kick... Freak if you want to... Dine if you want to..."

Definition: A block by an offensive player who is usually spread out away from the main body of the formation and runs back in towards the ball at the snap, blocking an opponent back toward the original position of the ball at the snap. An illegal crackback block below the waist or in the back results in a 15-yard penalty against the offending team.
In a sentence: In 1989, Lawrence Taylor tackled Doc Gooden outside a New York nightclub because he wouldn't give him his crackback.
Or: Kat Stacks likes to crackbacks all over the hip hop scene.

Definition: The area of protection for a quarterback behind his offensive line and between the tackles.
In a sentence: The NFL keeps its hand in Chad Ochocinco's pocket.
Or: I wonder if Jordan Palmer has pocketed anything with

Neutral Zone
Definition: The region between the two lines of scrimmage that contains the ball as it sits on the ground before each play.
In a sentence: There is no neutral zone with Chargers GM A.J. Smith. Just ask Vincent Jackson. And Jackson's agent. And LaDainian Tomlinson. And Marty Schottenheimer. And Archie Manning.
Combo: I got Kerry Washington alone in a shut down corner, but she got off a free kick to my neutral zone.

Riiiinnngg!!! There's the bell. This concludes today's session. Hopefully, this will help you get high scores on your next test this weekend. I would have donated points to some of you needier teams this past week, but as you know, I am quite a cheap and selfish bastard.


Anyhoo, I've enjoyed teaching you all. Please remember to sign up for your one-on-one tutor session. Dub, Pope, you're the next to get schooled.

~Undefeated Beast~

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