That Bearded Mofo

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And Now Six Degrees Of Separation
From The Joker Beast...

I would gloat about my undefeated record but that last win was an ugly game, so forget it. Almost as ugly as the beatdown the Pats special teams put on the 'Phins Monday night. That just wasn't right.

I did win, though. Like I promised.

Speaking of things that ain't right, The Joker Beast is back with a brand new game. A game of association where we connect the things that don't make sense.

Here's how you play. Let's say you wonder how Ray Lewis became the new spokesman for Old Spice body wash. All you gotta do is connect the dots.

Ray Lewis > Jerry Lewis > Old man > Old Spice

That only took 3 connections. And the fewer the connections, the more sense it makes. It's that easy. Now let's try it with the current headlines.

Association 1
It was discovered this week that a children's charity phone number listed on boxes of Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco's breakfast cereal Ochocincos was actually the number for a phone sex service. How in the hell does that happen? Let's make sense of it.

Ochocinco > Ochostinko > Stink on ya > Stankonia > Outkast > Outlast > Survivor > Jimmy Johnson > "How 'bout them Cowboys?!" > Cowboy Bebop > Bebop from the Ninja Turtles > Turtle from Entourage > HBO > Real Sex > Sex hotline

Made it in only 14 connections.

Association 2
There's a rumor of a Kim Kardashian/Justin Bieber sex tape. That's crazy. Right?

Kim Kardashian > Dat ass > Jesus! > God's son > Dodson > Antoine Dodson > "Hide ya kids, hide ya wife" > My Wife and Kids > Damon Wayans > "Low down dirty even, like his brother Keenan" > Biggie Smalls > Biggie size > Wendy's frosty > Frosty weather > Cold and fever > Bieber Fever

15 connections say maybe it's not so crazy after all.

Association 3
Texans running back Arian Foster was benched for the first quarter of Sunday's game against the Raiders. But why?

Arian Foster > Foster's beer > Australia > Down Under > Thunder > Thundercats > Ho! > Lil' Kim > Lil' Wayne > Wayne Manor > Batman > Mr. Freeze > Schwarzenegger > "Errybodygiddown!!!" > Sit down > Benched

Makes sense now. Only 15 connections.

Association 4
The Tea Party movement is a group of die-hard Republicans eager to stop what they view as wasteful government spending, excessive taxation, and overreliance on regulatory bureaucracies. But many people think they're actually just racist crybabies. Despite the overwhelming lack of color among Teabaggers (as they call themselves) and their hateful, poorly supported dislike of Obama and his administration's policies, the group insists that their movement is not racially motivated. Could they really not be racist? Let's see.

Tea Party movement > Bowel movement > Brown > Mexican--

Nope. This seems like it's getting racist. Let's start over.

Tea Party > Boston > Red Sox > Redskins--

Uhhh, one more time. Let's see... That crazy Christine O'Donnell is a Tea Party candidate. Let's try it with her.

Tea Party > Christine O'Donnell > Rosie O'Donnell > Lesbian > The L Word > The n-word > Mel Gibson > Danny Glover > "I'm getting too old for this shit." > Brett Favre > Green Bay > Michael Bay > Bad Boys > Bad Boy > P Diddy > Diddy Kong > Donkey Kong > "King Kong ain't got shit on me!" > Training Day > Training bra > New boobs > Old boobs > Man boobs > Bill Parcells > Parcel post > Post up > Basketball > Shawn Kemp > Use a rubber > Rubber > Cupboard > Old Mother Hubbard > Mother Teresa > Not racist

There we go. So they can't be racist, right? And only... 33 connections?!

Okay. I don't know about you, but my brain is overheated. So I'll sign off with one last one.

Association 5
Who will win between Savage Life and The Joker Beast this week?

Winner > Chicken dinner > Boston Market > Boston > Spades > Big Joker > Joker Beast

Hmm... There you have it.

~Joker Beast~

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