That Bearded Mofo



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And Now You've Got Mail From The Joker Beast...




Isn't fantasy football wonderful? I mean, not for everyone. Dub, Pope doubled Gladiators this week. Good Lord!

But hey, every week, somebody has to lose.

Just not me.

Another "good job" to all the winners this week. And a "good job" to the true writers of today's article: the fans. Let's take a look in the old Joker Beast emailbag.

Darelle R. from New York writes,
I'm not suffering from the holdout curse. It's just, you know, this hammy... It's real.
JB: Don't get overgrown with moss from all your time on the sidelines. Sorry I said "Moss".

Terrell O. from Cincinnati writes,
How long should I take before I trash my current QB?
JB: Waaay past time.

Twon H. from Dub, Pope HQ writes,
Joker, I'm riding high. I gave up a 19 point Brees and got Romo and Forte who combined for 63. Ha ha!
JB: Man! Who let that trade go through?

R. Halladay from Philadelphia writes,
Last week, in my first ever postseason game, I pitched only the second no-hitter in MLB postseason history. So, you know, I'm kind of a big--
JB: What is this? Baseball? Nobody cares!

Julius J. from Dallas then Seattle now New Orleans writes,
Hey, JB. Just got signed off free agency by the Saints. I'm ready to run.
JB: You weren't on a team? The better question is why am I surprised?

M. Singletary from San Francisco writes,
Don't this beat all. Winless. In the g*dd*mn NFC West. I'm from the old school and I believe this. I would rather play with zero people and just get penalized all the way than keep going with this sorry bunch of losses by this sorry bunch of losers. Cannot play with them. Cannot win with them. Cannot coach with them. Can't do it. I want winners.
JB: This... Where have I heard this?

Terry W. from The Joker Beast HQ writes,
Hey, Beast. Have you seen that new Hawaii 5-0 show? I love 5-0. 5-0 is great. All the other shows wish they could be 5-0, but there's only one 5-0. Knowhati'msayin?
JB: 5-0 is pretty awesome.

M. Floyd from San Diego writes,
I had 213 yards this week.
JB: It was the Raiders.

P. Rivers from San Diego writes,
I passed for 431 yards this week.
JB: It was the Raiders.

Raiders from Oakland writes,
We won the game.
JB: It was the Raiders???

M. Richt from Georgia writes,
I just had my 11th player arrested this season. I'm a college football coach, not a parole officer. What am I doing wrong?
JB: Maybe instead of training them to outrun defenders, you should start training them to outrun the po-pos.

A. Foster from Houston writes,
I rushed for 25 yards this week. But the team rushed for 24. Is my math wrong or...
JB: Even when you suck, you're the best they got.

Ryan B. from Team Perfection HQ writes,
You know, JB, I'm thinking of redefining the word perfection to mean more like "close to greatness." "Almost flawless." "Approaching excellence."
JB: You mean "under .500"?

M. Columbo from Dallas writes,
Did my clumsy touchdown celebration really cost us the game?
JB: No, your clumsy record cost Wade Phillips his job. Oh, that should read "will cost".

Brett F. from Minnesota writes,
I got this thing that's bugging me. I almost don't wanna talk about it, but... It's... It's this tendinitis in my elbow. I've been old for a while, but I'm really feeling old now. And I don't know how to tell my team.
JB: For real? That's what you wanna talk about? You just gonna ignore the big f*cking elephant in the room? The hot Jets employee elephant in the room? The texted pics of your penis elephant in the room? Okay. Well, here's the thing, Brett. You are f*cking old. You're real f*cking old and your teammates know it. Trust me. And you're too damn old to be sending racy texts to somebody that's not your wife. C'mon, man. That's something Sanchez should be doing. Smh... Btw, that means I'm "shaking my head". 'Cause you're too damn old to know what "smh" means... Btw, "btw" means "by the way", because, again, you're too damn old.

B. Roethlisberger from Pittsburgh writes,
JB, Could I get Brett's number so he can give me some pointers?
Quarterbacking, I mean...
Yeah, that's it. Quarterbacking.

JB: Wow.

Well, the mailbag is empty. Enjoy your week everybody. I'm gonna go watch the premiere of my favorite new show: Gateway 6-0.

~Two-game Lead Beast~



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