And Now The State Of The League 2010
From The Joker Beast...
I think we can all agree that fantasy football sucks. Am I right?
Good. Since we're all agreed, let's just void Week 7 and end the season at Week 6. Declare the winner there. Am I right?
Oh, now you don't wanna agree? Whatever...
Congratulations to those that increased your rank this week. We're halfway through the season so it's time for the team by team breakdown.
Weeks 8, 11, and 13 are full slates of Division and Conference matchups, and week 9 has four Conference games. With 8 teams hovering around .500, this season is even enough that everybody has plenty of time to make (or miss) the playoffs. Let's see how you're going about taking your conference crown.
Let's start with the Vertical Conference: the North and South Divisions. What a difference a year makes. Fifty-two weeks ago, the Vertical Conference boasted two 800 point teams, an undefeated, a four win lead on the Horizontal Conf, and five teams headed for playoff contention. This year: a combined 17-25 with 4,306.5 points and only one team in the league's top five.
North Division
[Gl] Gladiators 2-5, 580.5 pts
League: 11th
Conf.: 5th
Div.: 2nd
Fed to the lions.
Those undefeated days are loooong gone. Only two wins. And both to the teams ranked directly above and below him. This time last year, the team had the most points; now they have the least. With only one triple digit game this season, it seems as long as you can put up a hundred, you can beat the Gladiators. Facing 3 of the top 4 teams back to back to back for the next three weeks, it's make or break time for these soldiers. Winning two of these would make a considerable shakeup in the rankings. Winning none will pretty much end Gladiators season.
Div. matchup wks: 8[fBD], 13[MC]
Conf. matchup wk: 11[STL]
[MC] Madden Curse 1-6, 677 pts
League: 12th (last)
Conf: 6th (last)
Div: 3rd (last)
Cursed and cursing about it.
Five straight losses for the original league champion. Madden Curse has gotten past most of the top teams, leaving the rest of his schedule pretty even: 3 ranked in the bottom half, 3 ranked in the top. If he can manage the roster right, he can make the playoffs. With a whopping five conference matchups left, the Curse would have had a great opportunity to swipe the lead if only he had one or two more wins. He could beat everybody every week, but with so many conference games over the next six weeks, the competition will just pick up wins somewhere else.
Div. matchup wks: 11[fBD], 13[Gl]
Conf. matchup wks: 8[TP], 9[SL], 12[STL]
[fBD] footBALLS DEEP 4-3, 842 pts
League: 3rd
Conf: 1st
Div: 1st
Not a smooth criminal, a straight up violent thug.
This team's margin of victory: 45.6. Let me reiterate that. When he beats you, he beats you by 45 f*cking points. And when he loses, it's only by 4. So there is no level of comfort when playing this team. You just spend the whole weekend with your fingers crossed, hoping you don't end up with your hands grasped around your ankles. Balls Deep has the fortune of sharing a division with the bottom two teams in the league which should translate to two easy wins left on his plate and a vicious mugging of the Vertical Conference championship.
Div. matchup wks: 8[Gl], 11[MC]
Conf. matchup wks: 9[STL], 13[SL]
South Division
[STL] STLiens 4-3, 698.5 pts
League: 6th
Conf: 2nd
Div: 1st
Slow and steady wins the conference.
A very slow 1-3 start has made way for a 3-0 run. However, the last win was a very poor below 90 point effort. He sits near the top of the Vertical trash heap, but is only number 6 in the league. Add to that the fact these extraterrestrials have a winning record yet more points against than for, and it's still hard to gauge whether this is a breakout rookie team or a knockover newbie. All but one of his victories has come against the Horizontal Conference and he's almost finished battling them. So the real test comes in his own conference where he currently stands 1-1.
Div. matchup wks: 8[SL], 13[TP]
Conf. matchup wks: 9[fBD], 11[Gl], 12[MC]
[TP] Team Perfection 3-4, 748 pts
League: 9th
Conf: 4th
Div: 3rd (last)
It's a new team every week.
Win lose lose, win lose lose. If Perfection keeps this pattern, it'll be a far from perfect 5-8 and out the playoffs. The team made it in last year with the same record and fewer points, but with this season's parity, that all translates to a lower position rank. As usual, this team has made more moves than Brett Favre at Jets Cheerleading Camp, begging the question: have all those transactions done more harm than good? With 3 of the top 5 teams behind him, TP can write his own fortune. And with half his losses coming at a bare margin of 2.5 points, he's got great odds at being a playoff contender.
Div. matchup wks: 11[SL], 13[STL]
Conf. matchup wk: 8[MC]
[SL] Savage Life 3-4, 760.5 pts
League: 8th
Conf: 3rd
Div: 2nd
Better than 9 teams...from 2009.
Speaking of patterns, Savage Life seems to be on one of his own: lose win lose win lose, repeat. That's also on track for a 5-8 season. But the Lifers have improved 15.5 points per game over this time last year - the second highest improvement in the league. He's got a very even rest of the way with two top, two middle, and two bottom team matchups, including bouts with conference leaders footBALLS DEEP and STLiens. With Rodgers, Peterson, and the fourth highest points in the league, Savage Life should be able to get brutal and muscle his way to the playoffs and maybe the top of the conference.
Div. matchup wks: 8[STL], 11[TP]
Conf. matchup wks: 9[MC], 13[fBD]
Now, the Horizontal Conference. Big ups! Respect, mon! Bwok! Bwok! Bwok! (That's me firing shots in the air.) The East and West Divisions have come a long way, combining for a 25-17 record and 4,459.5 points. If the playoffs started today, five of these six teams would be in. But no time to rest on laurels. This fantasy league is as even as the NFL, so anybody can miss out at this point.
East Division
[DN] Diablo Negro 3-4, 678 pts
League: 10th
Conf: 6th (last)
Div: 3rd (last)
We fall down...but we get up. We fall down...but we get up.
This devil wins as long as he can make it to 100. But even though he shares the same record as two other teams, he finds himself two slots out of playoff contention. Losing your #1 draft pick in the first game of the season is, how you say, "no good." Plus, the double TE approach hasn't quite paid off. To add to the troubles, the rest of Negro's conference matchups are against 4 of the top 5 teams in the league. But hey, the best way to the top is to throw the leaders to the bottom yourself. He's got to get it together or Diablo Negro could find himself sinking further into the depths of hell.
Div. matchup wks: 8[DP], 13[Hm]
Conf. matchup wks: 9[Gr], 11[TJB]
[Hm] Hitmen 5-2, 815 pts
League: 1st
Conf: 1st
Div: 1st
You're the best...arouuund. Nothin's gonna ever keep you dowwwwn.
With his Week 7 takedown of the greatest team to ever play the game, Hitmen jumped to the top of the top. The team has gone from almost-worst to first, its 5-2 record a mirror opposite of last year. A formidable opponent. But interestingly enough, his only two losses have come at the hands of Madden Curse and Diablo Negro, two of the bottom three teams in the league. That shows that, while I wouldn't bet on a victory if you're facing this team, anything is still possible. These terminators still have to face numbers 3 and 4 in the conference, so number 1 is gonna be on the run to defend his spot.
Div. matchup wks: 11[DP], 13[DN]
Conf. matchup wks: 8[LIU], 12[Gr]
[DP] Dub, Pope 4-3, 745.5 pts
League: 5th
Conf: 4th
Div: 2nd
The Green Bay Packers of fantasy football.
A great 2-for-1 trade gave this team a mid-season boost. But with gift Tony Romo now sidelined 6 to 8 weeks, it'll be interesting to see how Dub, Pope will bounce back. He's definitely no stranger to injury, though. Bush. Portis. Kaeding. Now Romo. His players are hurting more than this f*cked up economy. At this point, he only faces two opponents ranked ahead of him, one of them being division foe and league leader Hitmen. If the rest of his players can stay healthy (and his backups get lucky), Pope can hold on to his playoff seed and even make a run for the top of the conference.
Div. matchup wks: 8[DN], 11[Hm]
Conf. matchup wks: 9[LIU], 13[Gr]
West Division
[LIU] Light It Up 4-3, 694.5 pts
League: 7th
Conf: 5th
Div: 3rd (last)
Let's make a deal!
Wanna trade? This team held a fire sale on its talent this season. Light It Up averaged 110 points before his major trades in Weeks 4 and 5, but has only averaged 91 points since. Aside from a 47 point lead in Week 1, the Lightning Squad hasn't had a margin of victory larger than 6 points. Five teams stand at 4-3 and L.I.U is at the bottom of the group. But it looks like fortune may be turning around as he ditched cracked up Romo just in time for Super Brees. As long as Brees drops his Favre impression for Halloween, Light It Up can charge over his foes. After all, he's only one game back from first.
Div. matchup wks: 11[Gr], 13[TJB]
Conf. matchup wks: 8[Hm], 9[DP]
[TJB] The Joker Beast 5-2, 772 pts
League: 2nd
Conf: 2nd
Div: 1st
Is the locomotive running out of steam?
What a horrible way to go into the middle of the season. Two straight losses sent this long undefeated team into second place. The Joker Beast's conference lead slipped away like a bar of prison soap, and with similarly painful—wait a minute. I've said this before. Last year...
Anyway. Despite the third most points in the league, the team has hit 100 only once since Week 3, marking a noticeable slowdown. No matter. The lower you go, the better the shot you have at the waiver wire. But, take it from me... The Beast is not happy with his trend. And he's looking to take it out hard on somebody. Everybody.
Div. matchup wks: 8[Gr], 13[LIU]
Conf. matchup wk: 11[DN]
[Gr] Gridy 4-3, 754.5 pts
League: 4th
Conf: 3rd
Div: 2nd
Last but hardly least.
I said it 10 times, I'll say it again. What a difference a year makes. Tenth place and 2-5 last year. Perennially on the outside looking in. Now Gridy sits high at the top of the middle. He started 0-2, but has ripped through with a strong 4-1 over the last five weeks. The Dallas Clark injury really puts a roach in his pickle jar. And this Week 8 bye bite doesn't help. Up next is division leader and #2 Joker Beast. And he still has to face #1 Hitmen. Luckily(?), he has five conference matchups left which gives him a chance to shake things up and come out on top.
Div. matchup wks: 8[TJB], 11[LIU]
Conf. matchup wks: 9[DN], 12[Hm], 13[DP]
And there you have it. The state of each team.
I just want to apologize in advance to Gridy for the violent loss I will hand him this week. It is Halloween and in keeping with the spirit of the holiday, it's only fair that I give everybody the blood and gore they desire. So...
Season's Treatings
Mwah hah hah hah haaaaaaah!
~Evil Beast~