And Now Connecting The Dots With The Joker Beast...
Well {kicking back} I secured a spot in the playoffs this week. How'd you do? By the looks of this week's scores, probably not too good.
A bunch of blowouts. FootBALLS DEEP beat Light It Up by 99 points. That should be a typo; it's not. Perfection got run over by his castaways Brady and Jackson. STLiens doubled Dub, Pope. Hitmen decided to let me have 1st place to myself. I should've joined him in the L-column, but Michael Vick decided to break the fantasy point record with 60.
Wow.
What a Monday Night Football game. Made me have to change the beginning of this post. I was gonna talk about first place losing to last and I had this line about losing to my brother and that meaning that he wasn't getting a Christmas gift from me. But instead, the impossible happened.
Speaking of the impossible: It's time once again to connect those things that don't make sense with our crazy game of association.
Here's a refresher on how you play. Let's say you wonder why Kanye West is such a frequent guest star of FOX's The Cleveland Show. All you gotta do is connect the dots.
Kanye West > Looney Tunes > Cartoon > The Cleveland Show
That only took 3 connections and, remember, the fewer the connections, the more sense it makes. Now let's try it with the current headlines. What crazy stories can we look at? The Eagles scoring 35 to nothing in the first 16 minutes of last night's game? Michael Clarke Duncan getting Omarosa pregnant?
Nah. I wrote these Saturday. Here's what we got...
Association 1
With Wade Phillips getting fired from his Cowboys' head coaching position due to Big D's terrible play, it only makes sense that they replace him with...the team's offensive coordinator Jason Garrett??!!
Jason Garrett > Garrett Morris > Martin!!! > Bro'man from the 5th floor > Top floor > Penthouse suite > Penthouse Magazine > Sex talk > Sex toy > Toy Story > Woody > Cowboy leader
11 connections. I guess it makes perfect sense. (As the Giants sorely found out.)
Association 2
Conan O'Brien returned to late night comedy last week. But no one expected him to go to basic cable. Does a Conan/TBS partnership make sense?
Conan O'Brien > Conan the Barbarian > Arnold Schwarzenegger > Weird governor > Rod Blagojevich > "I've got this thing and it's f*cking golden." > "I love goooold!" > Goldmember > Austin Powers > Mike Myers > Standing next to Kanye West > "George Bush doesn’t care about black people." > Hurricane Katrina > Godawful tragedy > Meet The Browns > TBS
Good to see Kanye helping us out again. 15 connections get Conan back on the air.
Association 3
Apparently, there's beef brewing between MC Hammer and Jay-Z... Yeah. You read that right. This seems like a very one-sided fight, but, whatever. Makes you wonder if it's for real.
MC Hammer > Baggy pants > Bagger Vance > Will Smith > Bad Boys > "Bad boys, bad boys. Whatchu gonna do?" > Cops > America's Most Wanted > Amerikkka's Most Wanted > Ice Cube > Ice-T > Tea and cake > Fruit and cake > Fig Newtons > Cam Newton > 99 problems > Jay-Z
Let there be beef in 16 connections. And speaking of Cam Newton...
Association 4
With news of academic cheating, an arrest, numerous traffic citations, and now his father allegedly offering him to schools for up to $180,000, many wonder if Auburn quarterback Cam Newton will still be a shoo-in for the Heisman. When you throw in Reggie Bush's recent reneg of the trophy, Cam's chances of winning seem like a stretch.
Cam Newton > Camcorder > Christmas gift > Baby Jesus > Big Baby Jesus > Ol' Dirty Bastard > "Me and Mariah go back like babies and pacifiers." > Newborn > Two born > Twins > "...and twiiins!" > Coors Light > Beer belly > Big belly > Precious > The blacker the berry, the sweeter... > The Juice > O.J. Simpson > "Ididn'tknowIwasdoinganythingwrong." > Bishop Eddie Long > Bishop Magic Don Juan > Hoeing hoes > Ho Hos > Hi Hos > "Hi ho, hi ho. It's off to work we go." > Seven dwarfs > Little people > Tom Cruise > Is he gay? > None of yo' business! > Show business > Break a leg > Joe Theismann > Rhymes with Heisman > Heisman Trophy
Ohhh, 34 connections. That's not... I'm sure he'll get there...
Yeah, he'll get there.
All this connectivity is causing too much electricity in the neurons of my brainage. So let's finish this with one more.
Association 5
Who will win between Diablo Negro and The Joker Beast this week?
Victory > Plus column > Look on the plus side > Optimist > Optimus > Transformers > Beast mode > Joker Beast
Can't argue with that.
Next week is Thanksgiving and I have an inbox full of thankful emails to share. Until then, enjoy your week.
Or don't.
I really don't care.
~Apathetic Beast~