That Bearded Mofo

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Joker Beast's War Journal
Friday, December 10, 2010

Come they told me, pa rum pa pum pum...
A new season to see, pa rum pa pum pum...
Dub, Pope vs footBALLS DEEP, pa rum pa pum pum...
STLiens/Perfection beef, pa rum pa pum pum!
Rum pa pum pum!!
Rum pa pum pum!!!
Black Devil versus Joker Beast, pa rum pa pum pum...
Savage Life and Hitmen too!

It's fun to sing at Christmas time. A song to honor those still standing.

But what about the fallen? The Gladiators? The Light It Ups? The Madden Curses? Gridy was so close. It seemed like his year... The poor bastard never even heard it coming.

Who's singing to honor them? Where's their Christmas song? Or how about a theme song? Like those 80s sitcoms.

Points don't fry in the kitchen;
Wins don't burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta tryin'
To make that draft trade deal.
Now they're out of the big leagues
Waiting on next year's draft.
If you don't win this week
It's you and them, baby
But your draft position is whack!

Well they're movin on up (movin on up!)
To the next path (movin on up!)
To a dee-luxe position in the dra-aft!
They're movin on up (movin on up!)
To the next year!
'Cause they got they ass booted out of he-ee-ere!

Speaking of 80s sitcoms...


Cheers (The Joker Beast 10-3) vs The Golden Girls (Diablo Negro 7-6)
The Drunk On Wins versus The Fallen And Can't Get Up

Golden boy Tom Brady and his banged up roommates gather around a slice of cheesecake while they discuss how to disassemble Michael Vick and the rest of his bar room gang. Beast's Jamaal Charles pounds down yardage like Norm pounds down Pabst Blue Ribbon while Diablo's Percy Harvin plans to score more times than Blanche Devereaux on a Saturday night.

Season Points Avg: The Joker Beast - 117.6 vs 99.0 - Diablo Negro

Roll Credits: Joker Beast retires Diablo Negro to Shady Acres. The Joker Beast wins.

Full House (footBALLS DEEP 8-5) vs Growing Pains (Dub, Pope 7-6)
The Over Loaded versus The Rotating IR

BALLS DEEP has more power receivers than Mary-Kate and Ashley have names. Meanwhile Pope's players have been passing around the injury bug like a game of hot potato. Can Brandon Marshall hang in there longer than Leonardo DiCaprio's character Luke? Or will LeSean McCoy tell Dub, Pope to Cut...It...Out?

Season Points Avg: footBALLS DEEP - 121.7 vs 101.3 - Dub, Pope

Roll Credits: How wude! The Tanners tan and sever the Seavers. footBALLS DEEP wins.

Silver Spoons (Hitmen 8-5) vs The Facts of Life (Savage Life 7-6)
The Pedigree versus The Stable Building Blocks

Peyton Manning jumps back on board the mansion choo choo train of success in his win over Tennessee while dependable Aaron Rodgers looks to dominate Detroit. If Hitmen's Johnson brothers can keep showing up (like Ribiero showing up to dance like Michael Jackson), then the team can continue its journey to return to the big game. But Life's MJD plans to eat up the Raiders like Natalie eats up...[shrug; insert anything here]. Of all the games this week, this one has the best chance of the lower seed winning.

Season Points Avg: Hitmen - 109.9 vs 109.1 - Savage Life

Roll Credits: You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have... Knowshon Moreno against the Cardinals. Hitmen wins. Barely.

Different Strokes (STLiens 8-5) vs Perfect Strangers (Team Perfection 7-6)
The Unusual versus The Unknown

For the second straight year, relatives square off against each other in the first round of the playoffs. (Family Matters vs Family Ties seemed too obvious to me.) Coming into the season, no one expected Orton and Hillis to be go-to guys. But STLiens took them in like all-caring philanthropist Mr. Drummond. Meanwhile, Perfection's ragtag team has gelled together and is telling any team that thinks it'll beat them to "Don't be ridiculous!" But with Arian Foster playing the Ravens this week, could TP come up short like Cousin Larry's upper lip? Of all the games this week, this one has the best chance of the lower seed winning. Wait, I said that already. But I mean it this time.

Season Points Avg: STLiens - 104.7 vs 110.8 - Team Perfection

Roll Credits: Whatchu talkin' bout, Hillis? Not enough. Team Perfection wins.

Good luck to all this week.

Hopefully your weekend won't end with a laugh track.

~This has been a Joker Beast Studios production.~

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