TBM Revisits The Draft
I am That Bearded Motherf**ker.
The name changed because I don't feel like joking. You don't like it? I don't give a sh*t. You want jokes? F**k you. Go home and play with your kids. How's that for jokes?
As I said at the draft, I'm not in it for the money or the trophy. I'm in it for your tears.
Congratulations to Diablo Negro on his 3rd Gateway championship. How 'bout we don't make it so easy on him this year, huh?
Now to the point. Here's my round by round thoughts on this year's draft.
Round 1
Vick went first. No surprise. STLiens gave away Chris Johnson, Reggie Wayne, and a host of draft picks to get that number one spot. And for that he gets the Mike Ditka Trades Away The Draft For Ricky Williams Award. Oh, sorry. The Screwy Awards aren't for a couple weeks.
Round 2
Nothing significant.
Round 3
Since Madden Curse was halfway done drafting, he was able to snatch up the best TE of the draft with Jason Witten (DAL).
With back to back picks, Gladiators was able to go WR-WR and got his favorite Wes Welker (NE), his keeper once upon a time.
Playing for a bum offense like Miami's causes a superstar WR like Brandon Marshall to fall to the 35th pick in a two-player keeper league. Could Hitmen be walking away with a steal?
Round 4
With his first two picks, Black Francis Soyer got intercepted by the Autopick Monster which chose RB Matt Forte (CHI) in round 2 and RB Ahmad Bradshaw (NYG) in round 4. Which I guess is okay if you like receptions and touchdowns. ... And fumbles.
Team Perfection selected unproven WR Julio Jones (ATL). Round 4. An unproven rookie. In a lockout shortened training camp. WRs still available at the time included: Anquan Boldin (BAL), Mike Sims-Walker (STL), Santana Moss (WAS), Jeremy Maclin (PHI), Pierre Garcon (IND). I'm thinking he could've snatched up one of those guys and still got Julio in a later round. Who'd he get the next round? Ochocinco. Oh. Nevermind, then.
Madden Curse picked another QB even though he just picked one two rounds ago, or as he calls it 18 picks ago.
Round 5
Nothing significant.
Round 6
Wide Receivers were unpopular at this point. Not a single one was selected this round.
Round 7
Gladiators selected NO receiver Lance Moore. NO stands for "NO telling who's catching the balls this week."
The first sleeper pick arrived when Dub, Pope selected TE Lance Kendricks (STL).
Team Perfection selects receiver Danny Amendola (STL). Well now he's just picking receivers for the hell of it. Side Note: According to HBO's Hard Knocks, Amendola had the most total yards of any player in 2010. According to NFL.com's stats, "Whatchu talkin' bout?"
That Bearded Mofo took WR Kenny Britt (TEN) and people said "Why?" I say "F**k you. Go home and play with your kids."
Black Francis Soyer picked his 2nd QB, but had yet to draft a single wide receiver. It's round 7, son! Roddy White needs some help. Jay Cutler ain't catchin' no balls!
Round 8
Speaking of catchin' balls, Plaxico Burress comes off the board in round 8. It's a much higher position than his position last year: Bottom.
Round 9
STLiens selected QB Matt Cassel (KC) to back up Vick during those injury weeks. Don't worry, STLiens; I'm not gonna rib you about Vick injuries. By the way, Cassel has a rib injury. That sucks for Cassel and Bowe owners. A little less for Charles owners.
Hitmen selected WR A.J. Green (CIN), who is like Julio Jones without the quarterback. Side Note: Unlike Julio, A.J. is the #1 receiver on his team. Take that as you will.
Round 10
Nothing significant.
Round 11
The madness began. The madness that was... The Return Of The Skipped Pick!
It wouldn't stop. It just kept coming!
It just.
Kept.
Coming.
Another sleeper came off the board when Mac Attack picked up WR Greg Little (CLE).
Gridy picked the 2nd and 2nd-to-last QBs of the draft, taking David Garrard (JAC) in Round 11. He took Matt Schaub (HOU) in Round 1.
And Diablo Negro took potential fantasy beast Cam Newton (CAR).
Round 12
Nothing significant.
Round 13
By now we've been well into auto pick mode as everyone has physically left the draft.
Round 14
By now, the Commissioner's Office has solved the Return Of The Skipped Pick problem. Except for that one Round 11 skipped pick that started it all. It continues to return to mock us. And by us, I mean the 4 teams that were still online.
Team Perfection auto picks K Dan Bailey (DAL) which makes me say "Huh" and feverishly search ESPN.com for news on WTF is going on in Dallas. Turns out he's the FG/PAT guy until Buehler gets his hip fixed. This would be major interesting news if they weren't kickers.
Round 15
Mr. Irrelevant of the 2011 Gateway Fantasy Football Draft is TE Jermaine Gresham (CIN). He gets to play with Mike Vick.
And that was the draft. It was the most trading and pick-switching we've ever had and it all made me just sick.
The NFL season begins Thursday night with the last two Superbowl champions facing off against each other: Saints at the Packers. Our fantasy season begins with these matchups:
The Superbowl Rematch
Last year's Superbowl winner Diablo Negro takes on last year's Superbowl loser Hitmen for a rematch that holds nowhere near the same meaning for either of them.
The Last Place Bowl
Last year's last place Madden Curse takes on last year's 2nd-to-last place Gladiators in a matchup to continue the losing streak for one of them.
The Battle for L.A.
Newcomer Black Francis Soyer takes on former joker That Bearded Mofo for the title of King of Los Angeles.
The QB Juggernauts
Number 1 ranked fantasy QB Aaron Rodgers goes up against number 1 drafted fantasy player Michael Vick as Savage Life takes on STLiens.
The "EeePee" Shuffle
"EeePee" as in TP versus DP when Team Perfection takes on Dub, Pope.
The I'm Running Out Of Ideas And I Don't Know What To Call This One Matchup Bowl
Mac Attack takes on Gridy for a battle to leave them one up-one down in the division.
Alright, scumbags. That's all you get from me this week. Until next time...
Signed,
~The Joker B-- er, I mean, That Bearded Mofo~