TBM: Connect The Dots... La La La La...
A lot of tough losses this week.
I got booted from an eliminator pool thanks to the Buffalo Bills. $4000 slipped through my hands because I trusted the Bills. What was I thinking? (The Bengals. That's what I was thinking.)
Aaron Rodgers hung 57 for Savage Life, but it wasn't enough to topple Gladiators backed by the ri-damn-diculous Wes Welker.
Black Magic came one point short of finally putting one in the win column this season. (Well, 1.5 points, considering our stuuuupid tiebreaker method, which I'm not go'n get into again.)
Hitmen just outright dirty demolished Gridy. 34 points for a defense?!?! Good God! And if Hitmen had started Beanie and Gore instead of Addai and Marshall, he'd have been just 3.5 points shy of two bills. That's right...200 points.
A belated congratulations to all of this week's winners. And a let'sgetthehellontonextweek to all of this week's losers. And what a slate of games we have for week 5. The North, South, and West Divisions all feature battles for 1st place, which means things could shift hard and quickly, much like a fat lady's boobs when she searches for her cash stash.
Well, it's late and time is short. But you know I wouldn't leave you without a weekly event. This week, I've got some associations for you. You remember the association game, right?
[crickets]
Yeah, you remember. It's where we connect the dots on the things that don't quite make sense.
[crickets]
For instance, you wonder if it could really be true that Apple, Inc. visionary Steve Jobs has passed away.
Steve Jobs > Office jobs > Pushing paper > Pushing up daisies
Only took 3 connections to support the truth, and remember, the fewer the connections, the more valid the claim. You remember it now?
[shrugging crickets]
*Sigh* Let's get started with an obscure one.
Association 1
I heard a rumor that the grandchildren of Nelson Mandela (yes, that Nelson Mandela) are getting their own reality show.
Mandela's Grandkids > Nelson Mandela > Nelson Muntz > The Simpsons > O.J. Simpson > Cuts throats > Cutthroat business > The Apprentice > Reality Show
Only 8 connections. It's happening. And they claim they're "definitely not the African Kardashians."
Association 2
Could the Detroit Lions be the best team in football?
Detroit Lions > Cowardly Lion > Wizard of Oz > TV show "Oz" > Adibisi > Little hat > Big Head > Schwarzennegger > "Collieforneeya" > California > "It never rains in Southern California." > "Raindrops keep falling on my head." > Me soggy > Miyagi > Karate Kid > "You're the best/Arouuund!/Nothing's gonna ever keep you dowwwwn."
Sorry, Packers. In 15 connections, it looks like it's true.
Association 3
Looks like Bank of America is going to start charging its customers $5 per month each month they use their debit card. Really???
Bank of America > B of A > DNA > T 'n' A > Lawrence Fishburne's daughter > Morpheus > The Matrix > Nonexistent > Ochocinco > Name change > Metta World Peace > Ron Artest > Malice at The Palace > Rhymes with Alice > Alice In Wonderland > Queen of Hearts > Evil ass bitch
Yep. You don't need 16 connections to tell you that they're some sonsofbitches.
Association 4
The New York Giants were accused of faking injuries a couple weeks ago when two of their defensive players simultaneously dropped to the ground for seemingly no reason. Are the Giants (and every other team in the NFL really) a bunch of phony fake fakers?
Giants > Big and fat > Yo mama > Obama > He won > Angry white people > Still hot > Jennifer Beals > Flashdance > Sundance > Film festival > Music festival > Woodstock > Snoopy > Snoop Dogg > Murder Was The Case > Casey Anthony > Fuzzy memory > Fuzzy beard > Rick Ross > Faking it
Oooh. 20 connections? Not strong, but there's something to it.
I'll leave you with one last association puzzle.
Association 5
Who will win this week between Mac Attack and That Bearded Mofo?
Victorious > Notorious > B.I.G. > "Gimme the loot! Gimme the loot!" > Looting pirate > Blackbeard > That Bearded Mofo
Oh... 6 connections say I'm stomping a mud hole this week.
~That Bearded Mofo~