That Bearded Mofo



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BEFORE AND AFTERMATH 2011: ROUND TWO


image shaved off


Bearded Mofo's War Journal
Friday, December 16, 2011

Not this year.

The casualty papers are in. Madden Curse. Mac Attack. Died with their weapons still in hand. Dub, Pope. Gladiators. May have been enough fight... If the circumstances were different.

They're gone. Tossed on the pile with the rest. Out in the first round.

But not me.

Not this year.

...

Thank, God! I'm sick of getting put out the first round, havin' to write these things long after I'm gone. It's humiliating. And painful. How a dead man go'n keep writing? That's just stupid.

But I digress.

One team left from each division-- The top team left from each division. As I look at the remainders and their untrustworthy gazes I can't help but think their thinking "I don't trust you either, nigga".

One of us will be champion. The destiny has already happened; the winner has already been ordained, we just don't know it yet.

Also, my pot pie is ready.


TALE OF THE TAPE

Hitmen (10-4) vs Savage Life (8-6)

These two first met in Week 12 when Hitmen delivered Savage Life his most recent loss. Savage Life only scored a puny 82.5 that week, but it's been 140.5 and 164.5 in the two weekends since. That's all--and I mean all-- thanks to Rodgers, Jones-Drew, and Gronkowski who score enough to make their own complete fantasy team. Meanwhile, Hitmen's fantasy team has basically consisted of real life teammates Eli Manning and Hakeem Nicks, whatever D/ST is started that week, and another guy. Calvin Johnson, who started the season as a BEAST, hasn't topped 14 points since his bye in week 9. (Btw, he averaged 24 points before the bye. Averaged.) But while Calvin has gone down, Marshawn has come up. After starting the season with 5, 1.5, and 7.5 outings, Mr. Lynch must've downed a can of spinach or a power up mushroom or exclaimed "By the power of Grayskull...", because this guy all of a sudden has just gone off! He's averaged 20.25 over the last 6 weeks. And Hitmen will need Marshawn to infuse a power boost to the team this week as Savage Life gets Adrian Peterson back to help out his already rich gang. Savage Life may be rich like Batman, but he's not completely indestructible like Superman. Savage hasn't strung together more than 2 wins this season and he's just come off win number 2 of his current streak. History dictates that this means curtains for Savage who has struggled against any team capable of putting 110 points on the board. But history also dictates that Rodgers will score 35 points by the end of the first half. So who are you gonna bet on: History? Or Raaahjers!?! (Discount double check!)

Advantages

Win Pct: Hitmen (.714)

Win Streak: Hitmen (3)

Points Avg: Savage Life (119.3)

Biggest Win: Savage Life (164.5, Wk 14)

Lowest Loss: Savage Life (Hitmen's 68, Wk 11)

Heavy Hitter: Savage Life (Aaron Rodgers)

Albatross: Savage Life (Hitmen's Owen Daniels)

Advantage 5-2, Savage Life


That Bearded Mofo (10-4) vs Black Francis Soyer (9-5)

These L.A. teams first met waaaaay back in Week 1. Kenny Britt helped Mofo best Soyer, but Kenny's been dead a long time now. (Dead to fantasy. Let's get that straight.) Brees scored 38 then for BFS and he's still putting up those kind of numbers now. The second highest fantasy scorer this season, Brees gets a cake matchup this week in Minnesota. While his fantasy teammate Chris Johnson has shit the bed for most of the season, he too gets a nice matchup in the Colts. Of course, the same thing was said 7 weeks ago and CJ2K only produced 5.5 points. Other heavy-hitting notables of the Black Francis squad include Percy "Where is this coming from?" Harvin and Roddy "I've already scored 35 mu'f**kin' points on you before you wrote this" White. That Bearded Mofo continues to have an uneven, yet successful season as usual, having had 9 different players as the highest scorer over the course of the season. (That's the most of any team. Dub, Pope, Madden Curse, and Team Perfection had 8.) After averaging 100.3 over the last 3 weeks of the regular season, the Mofo burst into the playoffs with 129.5, no thanks to Jennings who scored a measly 4 points before developing a fantasy-season-ending injury. TBM's running back corps is questionable in both talent and health, and while Miles Austin is good, his hamstrings are not. At least Bearded has Romo throwing the ball; he's the 7th highest fantasy scorer and has a bit of a cake matchup this week as well in the Tampa Bay Succaneers. It's a little sad to see this battle go down without Forte or Jennings in the mix, but what's fantasy football without the poorly timed injury?

Advantages

Win Pct: That Bearded Mofo (.714)

Win Streak: Black Francis Soyer (5)

Points Avg: Black Francis Soyer (112.7)

Biggest Win: That Bearded Mofo (146.5, Wk 1)

Lowest Loss: Black Francis Soyer (That Bearded Mofo's 60.5, Wk 3)

Heavy Hitter: Black Francis Soyer (Drew Brees)

Albatross: That Bearded Mofo (Black Francis Soyer's Dustin Keller)

Advantage 4-3, Black Francis Soyer


Good luck to most competitors this week.

Next Week: The Last... The Final... The End... Until 2012.
~That Fighting Mofo~



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