That Bearded Mofo

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Published Thu Dec 13, 2012 8:30am PST

image shaved off

Bearded Mofo's War Journal
Thursday, December 13, 2012

Still in this stinking morgue.

They say football is still going on. I don't know anything about that. The season seems like it was forever ago. Even longer 'til the next one.

A lot longer.

Allstate Mayhem knows what I'm talking about. They just wheeled his body in. Death by Cam Newton.

Hitmen is rolled in behind him. Check his toe tag. Cause of death: Raiders poisoning. They warn you about keeping one of those.

G O O D G A W D was brought in in an urn. Torched by Seahawks D.

Who's this next one? Madden Curse? Oh no... Not my brother! Not Jimmy! Talk to me, Jimmy! Don't go to the light! Not the light, Jimmy! Wake up! Ya gotta wake up!!!

No, seriously, though, brother Commish (not named Jimmy) is here too. Multiple stabbings.

We all died so that others may live.


F@#k the others.


Da,Pope (9-5) vs Freeworld Juggernauts (7-7)

These two last met a loooong 13 weeks ago. Believe it or not, Juggernauts got the best of Pope in that Week 2 battle outscoring him by 20.5. But that was with 25 from McGahee and 19 from Gronk, neither of whom will be available to Freeworld's market the rest of these fantasy playoffs. Pope may find himself without stud receiver Dez Bryant who needs season-ending finger surgery but refuses to get it. After several sputters in early and mid- season, Bryant is averaging 26.5 over his last four games. Paired with Brandon Marshall who averages 22.25 over the same span and sneaky threat Matt Schaub, it's easy to see why Da,Pope is the points leader. Unfortunately, star tight end Graham hasn't been too glam of late. Even less fortunate for Pope is the fact that he has to face Freeworld who has a history of facing strong playoff opponents who have a bad week. Freeworld started the season 3-7, but has reached 140 twice in his current 4-game win streak. Cam Newton is averaging 41 over the last three weeks. Read that again. Averaging. 41. Granted, two of those opponents were defense-deficient Philly and talent-deficient KC, but this week, Cam has the Chargers. He may get 50. If Vincent Jackson can torch New Orleans like he did in Week 7 and if Bryce Brown can go back to the near-30-ppg pace he was at a couple weeks ago, Juggernauts will be going back to the Superbowl for the fourth time in seven years. Or if Da,Pope's squad doesn't fall off for no apparent reason, then he'll be going back to the big game for the first time since '05.


Win Pct: Da,Pope (.653)

Win Streak: Freeworld Juggernauts (4)

Points Avg: Da,Pope (129.5)

Biggest Win: Da,Pope (165, Wk 11)

Lowest Loss: Da,Pope (Freeworld Juggernauts' 71.5, Wk 3)

Heavy Hitter: Freeworld Juggernauts (Cam Newton)

Albatross: Da,Pope (Freeworld Juggernauts' Jermichael Finley)

Advantage 5-2, Da,Pope


This Vertical Conference matchup is a rerun from Week 8 where ARMAGEDDON lost by 13 with 40 from Stafford on the bench and nothing from A.J. Green who was on bye. Also on the bench was Matt Forte with 17.5, probably benched because he hasn't been trustworthy this season. Forte had as many single-digit games as double-digit games during the regular season and only crossed 20 once. Ever since trading RG3 in Week 10, ARMAGEDDON has been riding on the shoulders of Stafford and 1st round pick A.J. Green. Green averaged 21.1 over the first 11 weeks, but has sputtered of late. Still, it has been enough to send ARMAGEDDON into the playoffs and onto his current 3-game win streak. But while ARMAGEDDON has averaged 116.67 over that span, RAC ON RAC ON RACKS has averaged 128.67. RACKS has gone over 140 four times this season while the closest 'GEDDON has come was 139.5 in Week 6. RACKS' continues his playoff drive thanks to the impossible 37 points his Seahawks D/ST delivered last week. The Bionic Neck, aka Peyton Manning, leads his fantasy squad. Peyton has had only 3 lackluster games this season, if you consider 20 and 19 points lackluster. If you don't, then he's had 1, and that was the Week 2 face-bashing the Falcons gave him, or as Peyton calls it, "Never again." RACKS also has ball catchers Wes Welker, who was spicy hot up until last week's 8-point dudder, and Pierre Garcon, who was just as hot coming off his foot injury but will now have a rookie not named RG3 throwing him the ball. Both RACKS' and ARMAGEDDON's players have questionable matchups this week, except for Stafford who has the Arizona Shartinals who just lost 58-0.


Win Pct: RAC ON RAC ON RACKS (.571)

Win Streak: ARMAGEDDON (3)

Points Avg: RAC ON RAC ON RACKS (118.1)

Biggest Win: RAC ON RAC ON RACKS (153, Wk 6)

Lowest Loss: ARMAGEDDON (RAC ON RAC ON RACKS' 72.5, Wk 9)

Heavy Hitter: RAC ON RAC ON RACKS (Peyton Manning)

Albatross: RAC ON RAC ON RACKS (ARMAGEDDON's Matt Forte)

Advantage 5-2, RAC ON RAC ON RACKS

Good luck to those still in it to win it.

Next Week: One last final something. Then fantasy football vacation begins.

~That Hardworking Mofo~

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