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With Great Draft Comes Great Responsibility

Published Mon Sep 5, 2016 8:00am PST

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Draft day is here! Draft day is here!

Well, actually it was eight days ago. Sure, we could draft after teams make their final roster cuts. Sure, we could draft Labor Day weekend when almost every American has a God-given extra day off. But why do that when we can pick before some NFL teams even know who their starting quarterback is?

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I don't know why this was such a big deal.
The 49ers have been taking a knee for years now.

Before we take a look at the draft, I have to start by congratulating the previous year's league winner. The 2015 champion was none other than our commish extraordinaire The Black & The Goaled! Let's all give him a round of hissing boos--I mean, applause. A round of applause. Yippee yippee yayyy! Go awayyy! We hate you!

Now that that's out of the way, let's open the doors on season 12 of Gateway Fantasy Football. We've lost a founding owner as Savage Life has bid adieu to fantasy life. But the open slot allows for the return of team Black Francis Soyer who left us a year ago. Welcome back, Francis. It's like you never left.

A bit of warning: this article is long. It covers an 18-round 12-team draft in its entirety, so yeah, that's a few pages. But you don't have to read this all in one sitting. Break it up. Spread it out. Make it last six days until Sunday. Or take it all on at once like man. It's your choice. However you choose, just enjoy.

I debuted this draft recap format last year, but you already knew that because you read it. I assume. Just play along. I need this. We'll show every pick round by round and I'll address my winner and loser for each round. Because that's what the internet is for: calling people losers and doing so not to their face.

As usual, some previous season deals made a couple teams rich in picks in the first few rounds while leaving a couple other teams poorer than the attendance of a WNBA game. That put the draft all out of whack, but Round 4 got us back in order. We'll go over that order now. And also, of course, before the picks, there were the keeps.

Draft Order and Keepers
1. image shaved off Detox: RB Jamaal Charles (KC), RB Thomas Rawls (SEA)
2. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: QB Aaron Rodgers (GB), RB Adrian Peterson (MIN)
3. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: WR Amari Cooper (OAK), WR Randall Cobb (GB)
4. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): QB Ben Roethlisberger (PIT), WR Jeremy Maclin (KC)
5. image shaved off GameTime Decision: QB Andrew Luck (IND), WR Antonio Brown (PIT)
6. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: WR Allen Robinson (JAC), WR Jarvis Landry (MIA)
7. image shaved off STLiens: QB Cam Newton (CAR), WR Julio Jones (ATL)
8. image shaved off Da,Pope: WR Dez Bryant (DAL), WR A.J. Green (CIN)
9. image shaved off Hitmen: WR DeAndre Hopkins (HOU), TE Rob Gronkowski (NE)
10. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: WR Odell Beckham, Jr. (NYG), WR Sammy Watkins (BUF)
11. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: RB Todd Gurley (LA), RB David Johnson (ARI)
12. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: RB Le'Veon Bell (PIT), WR Demaryius Thomas (DEN)

Winner: image shaved off Black Francis Soyer
What's the prize for taking a year off? Apparently it's the number one running back and number two quarterback on most fantasy rankings. Soyer comes into the draft with the steadiest base of keepers. Some question Peterson's value now that his QB Bridgewater is gone with a torn up knee. "Oh no! Defenses will key in on Adrian." Uhh, like they weren't doing that before. And how has that worked out for them? Also, living in the shadow of Brett Favre, Aaron Rodgers has made his own legendary name in Green Bay. If he had a John Madden, he'd be a first ballot hall of famer, too.

Loser: image shaved off Detox
Here's proof no one can see the future. If anyone can, they should be hanged for not warning Detox that his two stud running backs would be questionable to start the season. The Seahawks claim Rawls will be ready for Week 1 and that he is the undisputed starter when healthy. That would be comforting except for the fact that even having to make those statements is off-putting. Meanwhile, Charles is still recovering from the injury that ended him early last season and is expected to miss the first week. Or two. Or who knows. But hey, it could've been worse for Detox; he could've kept Tony Romo.

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Kellogg's sued Romo's bones for copyright infringement.

Round 1
Pick 1. image shaved off Detox: RB Ezekiel Elliott (DAL)
Pick 2. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: RB Lamar Miller (HOU)
Pick 3. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: TE Jordan Reed (WAS)
Pick 4. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): RB Devonta Freeman (ATL)
Pick 5. image shaved off GameTime Decision: RB Eddie Lacy (GB)
Pick 6. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: WR Keenan Allen (SD)
Pick 7. image shaved off STLiens: RB Doug Martin (TB)
Pick 8. image shaved off Da,Pope: RB Matt Forte (NYJ)
Pick 9. image shaved off Hitmen: WR Alshon Jeffery (CHI)
Pick 10. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: RB Latavius Murray (OAK)
Pick 11. image shaved off Detox: WR Mike Evans (TB)
Pick 12. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: RB Carlos Hyde (SF)

Winner: image shaved off Detox
Everybody wanted Zeke Elliott. Everybody. You know you did. Stop lyin'. Stop. Lyin'! If Elliott wasn't a big enough catch, Detox also made great use of his second first round pick by nabbing receiver Mike Evans. Now that's value selection.

Loser: image shaved off The Black & The Goaled
Carlos Hyde has missed 11 games over the past two seasons. Plus, backs Mark Ingram and LeSean McCoy were still on the board and they catch balls. Footballs to be specific. Maybe they catch other balls, too. I don't know what they do with their off time. But I know what they do with their on time. And as a former Hyde owner, I know what he did with his on time too: sat on my IR.

Side Note: The Comeback Kid wins the "While Supplies Last" award. Jordan Reed seems like a reach at Pick 3, but there's no way the Washington tight end would have made it back around to Kid at Pick 20. Especially with the first quarter of the next round belonging to one team.

Round 2
Pick 13. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: WR Brandon Marshall (NYJ)
Pick 14. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: TE Coby Fleener (NO)
Pick 15. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: WR Brandin Cooks (NO)
Pick 16. image shaved off Hitmen: RB Mark Ingram (NO)
Pick 17. image shaved off Da,Pope: WR Jordy Nelson (GB)
Pick 18. image shaved off STLiens: RB C.J. Anderson (DEN)
Pick 19. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: RB LeSean McCoy (BUF)
Pick 20. image shaved off GameTime Decision: RB Jonathan Stewart (CAR)
Pick 21. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): RB Jeremy Langford (CHI)
Pick 22. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: WR Allen Hurns (JAC)
Pick 23. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: WR T Y Hilton (IND)
Pick 24. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: WR Julian Edelman (NE)

Winner: image shaved off Hitmen
Matt Forte. Latavius Murray. Carlos Hyde. Those three lower value picks let Mark Ingram fall ever so gently into Hitmen's cradling waiting arms. Ingram was probably overlooked because he's not thought of as a PPR running back. But he caught more balls last year than Matt Forte, Latavius Murray, and Carlos Hyde. Ingram even outranked Freeman, Lacy, and Martin on some fantasy experts' boards, which would mean he should have gone at the 4th pick in this draft. That's a little crazy, though.

Loser: image shaved off EXPLOSIVE
Surprise! How can the team with the first three--FIRST THREE!--picks in the round be the loser? Two things. For one, Coby Fleener was a major reach. Sure his numbers are expected to get a bump up in New Orleans, but they have nowhere to go but up to begin with. Many other better and proven tight ends were available, and, even if EXPLOSIVE really really really wanted Fleener, I think he could have gotten him in the 4th round. For two, two wide receivers were taken with these three picks and the team already has two wide receiver keepers. So now, you've got four good receivers and you can only start three. Why not use one of those picks to shore up your running back corps which at this point consists only of Raider Latavius Murray? As mentioned before, Ingram and McCoy are still out there at this point, but...*throws hands back* As Detox pointed out in the draft, "Mac you love B. Cooks lol" Uh huh. Love him so much, he made a permanent spot for him on his bench.

Side Note: The real winner of the round is New Orleans with the whole offense not named Brees taken in back-to-back-to-back picks. Not sure how our fantasy draft benefits the Saints, though. So nevermind.

Round 3
Pick 25. image shaved off Detox: WR Kelvin Benjamin (CAR)
Pick 26. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: WR Eric Decker (NYJ)
Pick 27. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: RB Ryan Mathews (PHI)
Pick 28. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): WR Emmanuel Sanders (DEN)
Pick 29. image shaved off GameTime Decision: WR Doug Baldwin (SEA)
Pick 30. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: TE Travis Kelce (KC)
Pick 31. image shaved off STLiens: TE Greg Olsen (CAR)
Pick 32. image shaved off Da,Pope: RB Jeremy Hill (CIN)
Pick 33. image shaved off Hitmen: WR Larry Fitzgerald (ARI)
Pick 34. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): TE Gary Barnidge (CLE)
Pick 35. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): TE Julius Thomas (JAC)
Pick 36. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: WR Josh Gordon (CLE)

Winner: image shaved off STLiens
With Gronkowski and Reed unavailable and other tight ends already going off the board, getting Olsen at #31 can be considered a steal. There's plenty to go around in Carolina's offense and Olsen has never been an issue. Plus, STLiens already has his QB Cam so we're talking double up points on touchdowns.

Loser: image shaved off Allstate Mayhem
After yet another round without a pick, Allstate has only been granted 1 of the first 36 players off the board. That's two years in a row that the team was M.I.A. for the first three rounds. Then again, Allstate did go to the championship game last year, so maybe there's something to the strategy.

Side Note: Back 2 Black posted in the chat that he wanted to undo his third pick, but it fell on deaf ears. Or more like blind eyes. Probably because people don't like to read. But I wouldn't know what that's like because everybody reads these articles, amirite? Anyway, maybe we need to be on a 12-way conference call for future drafts and we can buzz in with air horns when we need to grab everyone's attention.

Round 4
Pick 37. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: WR Golden Tate (DET)
Pick 38. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: TE Antonio Gates (SD)
Pick 39. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: QB Russell Wilson (SEA)
Pick 40. image shaved off Hitmen: RB Matt Jones (WAS)
Pick 41. image shaved off Da,Pope: QB Blake Bortles (JAC)
Pick 42. image shaved off STLiens: WR DeVante Parker (MIA)
Pick 43. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: RB DeMarco Murray (TEN)
Pick 44. image shaved off GameTime Decision: WR John Brown (ARI)
Pick 45. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): WR Marvin Jones (DET)
Pick 46. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: TE Delanie Walker (TEN)
Pick 47. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: TE Jimmy Graham (SEA)
Pick 48. image shaved off Detox: WR DeSean Jackson (WAS)

Winner: image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET
Everyone was asleep on Murray because of his sharp decline in Philadelphia from Dallas and because he was traded again after one season with the Eagles. Add to that the hype behind Titans rookie running back Derrick Henry and the Poo Poo Murray Train began chugging along. But did you see Murray bust one for 17 in the third preseason game? Did you see him average 5 yards a carry in that one too? I'm betting Black Wall Street did. I think Murray is ready to prove all the haters wrong. And just in case he's not, Black Wall Street picked up Henry a couple rounds later. Hey, ya gotta diversify.

Loser: image shaved off GameTime Decision
To be honest, I don't think John Brown was a loser pick. The problem is, I can't justify any picks in this round as the loser or the worst or even the least best. But I gotta name somebody, so I'll name me. Bring on the angry emails, me!

Side Note: Like Reed in Round 1, Antonio Gates is a reach at the top of Round 4 but had to be picked because he wouldn't have made it back to Allstate at the bottom of Round 5.

Round 5
Pick 49. image shaved off Detox: QB Drew Brees (NO)
Pick 50. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: WR Michael Crabtree (OAK)
Pick 51. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: QB Eli Manning (NYG)
Pick 52. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): QB Tom Brady (NE)
Pick 53. image shaved off GameTime Decision: TE Zach Ertz (PHI)
Pick 54. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: QB Jameis Winston (TB)
Pick 55. image shaved off STLiens: WR Kevin White (CHI)
Pick 56. image shaved off Da,Pope: DL J.J. Watt (HOU)
Pick 57. image shaved off Hitmen: QB Carson Palmer (ARI)
Pick 58. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: QB Matthew Stafford (DET)
Pick 59. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: WR Donte Moncrief (IND)
Pick 60. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: QB Kirk Cousins (WAS)

Winner: image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up)
We all know what happens when the Patriots feel they've been wronged. Brady will only play 12 games, but he'll score like he played 18. Black will just have to "suffer" for 4 weeks with Roethlisberger. Oh how will he ever survive?

Loser: image shaved off STLiens
Jay Cutler sucks, ergo Kevin White sucks. Okay, that's pretty harsh. White was injured his rookie preseason and has yet to play a pro down that counts. Maybe he'll be good. We don't know. But we do know Jay Cutler will not.

Round 6
Pick 61. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: RB Isaiah Crowell (CLE)
Pick 62. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: QB Philip Rivers (SD)
Pick 63. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: RB Arian Foster (MIA)
Pick 64. image shaved off Hitmen: WR Jordan Matthews (PHI)
Pick 65. image shaved off Da,Pope: TE Zach Miller (CHI)
Pick 66. image shaved off STLiens: RB Giovani Bernard (CIN)
Pick 67. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: RB Derrick Henry (TEN)
Pick 68. image shaved off GameTime Decision: LB Luke Kuechly (CAR)
Pick 69. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): RB Duke Johnson (CLE)
Pick 70. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: RB T.J. Yeldon (JAC)
Pick 71. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: RB Chris Ivory (JAC)
Pick 72. image shaved off Detox: TE Eric Ebron (DET)

Winner(s): image shaved off Allstate Mayhem, image shaved off EXPLOSIVE
Allstate snags an underrated QB in Rivers who will not only deliver him points but also pairs nicely for double ups with his TE Gates grabbed two rounds earlier. Speaking of fantasy-gloried injury risks, EXPLOSIVE walks away with Arian Foster who may not play all 16, but will play the hell out of whatever games he makes it into.

Loser: image shaved off Detox
Every year, Ebron has high expectations. And every year, he leaves us wondering why. This year should be no different.

Side Note: We have two cases of two running backs from the same team being selected in this round. First we have the peculiar case of Cleveland backup Isaiah Crowell going 8 picks ahead of starter Duke Johnson. What's more interesting are the back-to-back picks of Jaguars T.J. Yeldon and Chris Ivory. Yeldon may be the starter in theory, but this has committee written all over it.

Round 7
Pick 73. image shaved off Detox: WR Michael Floyd (ARI)
Pick 74. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: RB DeAngelo Williams (PIT)
Pick 75. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: WR Stefon Diggs (MIN)
Pick 76. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): D/ST Seahawks (SEA)
Pick 77. image shaved off GameTime Decision: DL Khalil Mack (OAK)
Pick 78. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: TE Martellus Bennett (NE)
Pick 79. image shaved off STLiens: TE Jason Witten (DAL)
Pick 80. image shaved off Da,Pope: WR Vincent Jackson (TB)
Pick 81. image shaved off Hitmen: RB Ameer Abdullah (DET)
Pick 82. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: TE Ladarius Green (PIT)
Pick 83. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: WR Tyler Lockett (SEA)
Pick 84. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: WR Willie Snead (NO)

Winner(s): image shaved off Detox, image shaved off Black Francis Soyer
Okay, maybe I'm playing a little fast and loose choosing multiple winners, but I gotta acknowledge that Michael Floyd at #73 is a solid win. If Detox had swapped his back-to-back picks, he would've won the last round alone and we wouldn't have this back-to-back co-winner rounds mess. As far as his co-winner Black Francis Soyer, think about this: if Le'Veon Bell did not exist, where would DeAngelo Williams rank on fantasy boards? ... Uh huh. Pretty high. Top ten, twelve at least. And yet, with Bell basically not existing for three games, Williams is the 25th running back drafted in a keeper league where 6 running backs were already out of play. DeAngelo Williams at #74? Big ol' winnies.

Loser: image shaved off EXPLOSIVE
Ladarius Green? No. No no no no no.

Side Note: A couple tight ends of note were taken in this round. First, Martellus Bennett, who experts have referred to as the most talented tight end to ever play opposite Rob Gronkowski. Second, Jason Witten, who took a dip a couple years ago, but saw a bit of a resurgence last year. Even with a new QB, Witten should do well enough to get the job done.

Round 8
Pick 85. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: RB Melvin Gordon (SD)
Pick 86. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: RB Danny Woodhead (SD)
Pick 87. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: RB Justin Forsett (BAL)
Pick 88. image shaved off Hitmen: DB Reshad Jones (MIA)
Pick 89. image shaved off Da,Pope: RB Frank Gore (IND)
Pick 90. image shaved off STLiens: D/ST Panthers (CAR)
Pick 91. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: K Stephen Gostkowski (NE)
Pick 92. image shaved off GameTime Decision: D/ST Cardinals (ARI)
Pick 93. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): LB Lavonte David (TB)
Pick 94. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: RB Charles Simms (TB)
Pick 95. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: D/ST Broncos (DEN)
Pick 96. image shaved off Detox: D/ST Rams (LA)

Winner: image shaved off Da,Pope
Pope grabbed a clear starting running back in the 8th round. The other teams avoided him because it's Frank Gore. The same Frank Gore who hasn't missed a game since 2010. The same Frank Gore who finished last season as the 13th best fantasy running back. The same Frank Gore who has rejects Robert Turbin and Stevan Ridley as his competition. Yes, Frank Gore is old by running back standards. But he was old last year, too.

Loser: image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET
Kickers, man. Don't nobody need no kicker this early. Plus, it's the Patriots' kicker. Gostkowski is good, but Tom Brady ain't settling for no field goals. And they're going for two every time. It's called the F**k Goodell Offense.

Side Note: It's at this point that The Comeback Kid began auto picking. I guess when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Round 9
Pick 97. image shaved off Detox: LB Chandler Jones (ARI)
Pick 98. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: D/ST Patriots (NE)
Pick 99. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: LB Navorro Bowman (SF)
Pick 100. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): DL Robert Quinn (LA)
Pick 101. image shaved off GameTime Decision: RB Rashad Jennings (NYG)
Pick 102. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: RB Jay Ajayi (MIA)
Pick 103. image shaved off STLiens: QB Matt Ryan (ATL)
Pick 104. image shaved off Da,Pope: D/ST Bengals (CIN)
Pick 105. image shaved off Hitmen: D/ST Texans (HOU)
Pick 106. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: D/ST Jets (NYJ)
Pick 107. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: D/ST Chiefs (KC)
Pick 108. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: LB Alec Ogletree (LA)

Winner: image shaved off GameTime Decision
Was it a glamorous pick? No. But Jennings is the starter and we're all the way down in Round 9. A heavy dose of defensive picks in the round makes Jennings a standout.

Loser: image shaved off STLiens
STLiens already has Cam Newton who will start in the lineup every week, so when it comes to picking a backup, why not live a little? Other fun options available at the time include Derek Carr, RGIII, and Marcus Mariota. Sure, picking Matt Ryan means STLiens won't ever have to worry about facing the QB of his top receiver Julio Jones, but I don't think that was going to happen anyway.

Round 10
Pick 109. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: DB John Cyprien (JAC)
Pick 110. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: DL Calais Campbell (ARI)
Pick 111. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: LB C.J. Mosley (BAL)
Pick 112. image shaved off Hitmen: QB Derek Carr (OAK)
Pick 113. image shaved off Da,Pope: TE Jared Cook (GB)
Pick 114. image shaved off STLiens: DL Cameron Jordan (NO)
Pick 115. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: WR Michael Thomas (NO)
Pick 116. image shaved off GameTime Decision: DB Corey Graham (BUF)
Pick 117. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): K Graham Gano (CAR)
Pick 118. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: RB Theo Riddick (DET)
Pick 119. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: K Steven Hauschka (SEA)
Pick 120. image shaved off Detox: DL Fletcher Cox (PHI)

Winner: image shaved off Detox
Fletcher Cox finished as a top-4 fantasy lineman each of the last two seasons. He finished 2nd last season. And Detox got him as the 6th lineman off the board.

Loser(s): image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up), image shaved off Black Francis Soyer
Only because kickers bore me and I can't really find any loser picks in this round.

Round 11
Pick 121. image shaved off Detox: DB Earl Thomas (SEA)
Pick 122. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: WR Travis Benjamin (SD)
Pick 123. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: RB Shane Vereen (NYG)
Pick 124. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): WR Tavon Austin (LA)
Pick 125. image shaved off GameTime Decision: RB DeAndre Washington
Pick 126. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: LB Bobby Wagner (SEA)
Pick 127. image shaved off STLiens: WR Corey Coleman (CLE)
Pick 128. image shaved off Da,Pope: LB DeAndre Levy (DET)
Pick 129. image shaved off Hitmen: DL Muhammad Wilkerson (NYJ)
Pick 130. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: DB Landon Collins (NYG)
Pick 131. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: LB D'Qwell Jackson (IND)
Pick 132. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: TE Austin Seferian-Jenkins (TB)

Winner: image shaved off Black Francis Soyer
With Steve Johnson out, Travis Benjamin should fill in nicely for some good ol' Fightin' Philip Rivers targets.

Loser: image shaved off Detox
Thomas has finished 20th (or muuuch worse) among defensive backs over the last two seasons. He plays for the Seahawks and DBs on good defenses don't see a lot of action come their way.

Side Note: I almost made it a two-winner round with STLiens' Corey Coleman pick in serious consideration. The rookie receiver has been getting a fair amount of hype. I just need a little more confidence in RGIII before I can say this pick is equal to Soyer's.

Round 12
Pick 133. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: D/ST Bills (BUF)
Pick 134. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: K Dan Bailey (DAL)
Pick 135. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: DL Ezekiel Ansah (DET)
Pick 136. image shaved off Hitmen: LB Sean Lee (DAL)
Pick 137. image shaved off Da,Pope: D/ST Vikings (MIN)
Pick 138. image shaved off STLiens: D/ST Packers (GB)
Pick 139. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: DB Kam Chancellor (SEA)
Pick 140. image shaved off GameTime Decision: WR Torrey Smith (SF)
Pick 141. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): D/ST Eagles (PHI)
Pick 142. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: RB Bilal Powell (NYJ)
Pick 143. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: RB Darren Sproles (PHI)
Pick 144. image shaved off Detox: K Blair Walsh (MIN)

Winner: image shaved off Black Francis Soyer
Sproles finishes in the top 35 of running backs every year, which means Black Francis has nabbed a top-notch flex player 143 picks into the draft.

Loser: image shaved off The Comeback Kid
Autopicker just picked three straight backup running backs in a row for Comeback. Riddick is fine. Vereen is...not terrible. But then comes Powell and that's just too much. Change it up, autopicker!

Round 13
Pick 145. image shaved off Detox: QB Andy Dalton (CIN)
Pick 146. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: LB Telvin Smith (JAC)
Pick 147. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: D/ST Titans (TEN)
Pick 148. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): K Justin Tucker (BAL)
Pick 149. image shaved off GameTime Decision: QB Dak Prescott (DAL)
Pick 150. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: DL Carlos Dunlap (CIN)
Pick 151. image shaved off STLiens: LB Brandon Marshall (DEN)
Pick 152. image shaved off Da,Pope: DB Tyrann Mathieu (ARI)
Pick 153. image shaved off Hitmen: LB Paul Posluszny (JAC)
Pick 154. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: LB Karlos Dansby (CIN)
Pick 155. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: DB Morgan Burnett (GB)
Pick 156. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: DL Everson Griffen (MIN)

Winner: image shaved off GameTime Decision
And the "Take A Chance On A Black Man" award goes to me. Dak is a rookie QB but he was ballin' in preseason. All the analysts want to say "that means nothing" and "wait until defenses key in on him when the games count" and "blah blah negative blah." But I got a feeling that if Rams rookie Goff had played like Prescott did in the preseason, they'd be calling that goofball the next Brett Favre.

Loser: image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up)
Two kickers? Two??? Come on, man. You should be suspended.

Round 14
Pick 157. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: K Chandler Catanzaro (ARI)
Pick 158. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: TE Dwayne Allen (IND)
Pick 159. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: RB Alfred Morris (DAL)
Pick 160. image shaved off Hitmen: K Mason Crosby (GB)
Pick 161. image shaved off Da,Pope: QB Tyrod Taylor (BUF)
Pick 162. image shaved off STLiens: DB Ha Ha Clinton-Dix
Pick 163. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: QB Robert Griffin III (CLE)
Pick 164. image shaved off GameTime Decision: TE Charles Clay (BUF)
Pick 165. image shaved off Back 2 Black (Charged Up): DB Barry Church (DAL)
Pick 166. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: K Cody Parkey (PHI)
Pick 167. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: DB Harrison Smith (MIN)
Pick 168. image shaved off Detox: RB LeGarrette Blount (NE)

Winner: image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET
And the winner of the "Take A Chance On Another Black Man" award goes to BLACK WALL STREET. I'm eager to see what Griffin does with the Browns this year. After their carousel of quarterbacks over the last two decades and their puzzling flirtation with Johnny "The Debacle" Manziel over the last two seasons, the Browns may finally have a long-term signal caller. RGIII has to make this one work out; the NFL won't give him another chance.

Loser: image shaved off The Comeback Kid
This is a little bit of a cheat. If I was writing this immediately after the draft, I wouldn't be able to choose a loser from this round. But I'm writing this a week later and after we now know that Parkey was cut by the Eagles. So Comeback Kid gets the (dis)honor. But, he can take comfort in knowing a computer made the pick.

Side Note: Alfred Morris in the 14th round. How the mighty have fallen. But he still made it off the board before LeGarrette Blount. Why no love for Blount, y'all?

Round 15
Pick 169. image shaved off Detox: WR Markus Wheaton (PIT)
Pick 170. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: DL Cameron Wake (MIA)
Pick 171. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: DB Janoris Jenkins (NYG)
Pick 172. image shaved off GameTime Decision: K Cairo Santos (KC)
Pick 173. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: D/ST Cowboys (DAL)
Pick 174. image shaved off STLiens: K Adam Vinatieri (IND)
Pick 175. image shaved off Da,Pope: K Chris Boswell (PIT)
Pick 176. image shaved off Hitmen: TE Vance McDonald (SF)
Pick 177. image shaved off EXPLOSIVE: K Brandon McManus (DEN)
Pick 178. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: QB Marcus Mariota (TEN)
Pick 179. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: DB T.J. McDonald (LA)

Winner: image shaved off Allstate Mayhem
Last year, I was ripping Mayhem for his QB selection. I mean, Blake Bortles? What did that guy ever do? ... Finished 4th in points you say? Whoops. I got that wrong. This year, I love all of Mayhem's quarterback choices. I wouldn't be surprised if Rivers ends up on Mayhem's bench by Week 4 with Mariota taking over the lead.

Loser: image shaved off Black Francis Soyer
Black Francis himself has said the Cameron Wake pick was a mistake. That makes this choice easy then.

Side Note: Back 2 Black was the first team finished drafting and had no more picks beginning with this round. That means he missed out on making all sorts of sexy selections like... Vance McDonald and... Chris Boswell. Dante Fowler. Oh, this is depressing. End this draft already.

Round 16
Pick 180. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: QB Ryan Fitzpatrick (NYJ)
Pick 181. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: WR Dorial Green-Beckham (PHI)
Pick 182. image shaved off Hitmen: D/ST Dolphins (MIA)
Pick 183. image shaved off Da,Pope: RB Tevin Coleman (ATL)
Pick 184. image shaved off STLiens: RB Devontae Booker (DEN)
Pick 185. image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET: WR Sterling Shepard (NYG)
Pick 186. image shaved off GameTime Decision: RB James Starks (GB)
Pick 187. image shaved off The Comeback Kid: DL Dante Fowler (JAC)
Pick 188. image shaved off Black Francis Soyer: QB Joe Flacco (BAL)
Pick 189. image shaved off Detox: RB Chris Thompson (WAS)

Winner: image shaved off BLACK WALL STREET
Fantasy experts love rookie receiver Shepard. He is the number 2 and Eli is going to have to throw the ball somewhere when Beckham is triple covered on every play.

Loser: image shaved off Allstate Mayhem
Even the Eagles don't like Green-Beckham.

Side Note: Black Francis Soyer waited until his dead last pick to get a backup QB. That's how you do it when you've got Aaron Motherbleepin' Rodgers.

Round 17
Pick 190. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: WR Chris Hogan (NE)
Pick 191. image shaved off The Black & The Goaled: LB Jadaveon Clowney (HOU)

Winner: image shaved off Allstate Mayhem
Only two picks this round so somebody has to win by default. Also, Hogan may get a little Gronk/Edelman/Bennett spillover in Tom Brady's F**k Goodell Offense.

Loser: image shaved off The Black & The Goaled
Jadaveon Clowney has proven nothing. Nothing.

Round 18
Pick 192. image shaved off Allstate Mayhem: RB James White (NE)

Winner: image shaved off Allstate Mayhem
Boy, Allstate really loves the Patriots, huh?

Loser: image shaved off Allstate Mayhem
It's the only pick.

Those are my winners and losers of the 2016 Gateway Fantasy Football Draft. Did you agree? Who were your winners and losers of each round? You kept track, didn't you? Share your winners and losers with everyone.

We'll close this out with a look at Week 1's fantasy matchups. Reigning champion The Black & The Goaled takes on newly returned Black Francis Soyer in the first fight for first place in the North Division. Meanwhile, the other northern team Hitmen takes on BLACK WALL STREET from the east. The 2015 runner up Allstate Mayhem goes at it with 2014 winner Da,Pope in an East Division struggler. A South Division battle breaks out between last year's conference champion EXPLOSIVE and division loser GameTime Decision. Loser? Hey, that hurts! The third southerner STLiens dukes it out with Back 2 Black (CHARGED UP) in the west. And last but not least, two teams that missed last year's playoffs throw down in a West Division brawl when The Comeback Kid meets Detox.

The season kicks off Thursday night with an instant rematch from the Super Bowl when the Panthers go to Denver. Why the NFL would make this matchup the last and first games between seasons, I don't know. I personally would have preferred a little more space between the rematch, but hey, they're not paying me $32 million a year to make those decisions.

Don't forget to make your pick 'em picks if you're doing that. Set them like you set your lineup: before the games start.

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Make this your phone's wallpaper as a reminder.

Welcome to the new season. I hope you get everything you want except a win against me. I'm looking at you EXPLOSIVE. Time to get that ass beat.

~That Breaking It Down Mofo~



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