With Great Draft Comes Great Responsibility
Published Mon Sep 5, 2016 8:00am PST
Draft day is here! Draft day is here!
Well, actually it was eight days ago. Sure, we could draft after teams make their final roster cuts. Sure, we could draft Labor Day weekend when almost every American has a God-given extra day off. But why do that when we can pick before some NFL teams even know who their starting quarterback is?
Before we take a look at the draft, I have to start by congratulating the previous year's league winner. The 2015 champion was none other than our commish extraordinaire The Black & The Goaled! Let's all give him a round of hissing boos--I mean, applause. A round of applause. Yippee yippee yayyy! Go awayyy! We hate you!
Now that that's out of the way, let's open the doors on season 12 of Gateway Fantasy Football. We've lost a founding owner as Savage Life has bid adieu to fantasy life. But the open slot allows for the return of team Black Francis Soyer who left us a year ago. Welcome back, Francis. It's like you never left.
A bit of warning: this article is long. It covers an 18-round 12-team draft in its entirety, so yeah, that's a few pages. But you don't have to read this all in one sitting. Break it up. Spread it out. Make it last six days until Sunday. Or take it all on at once like man. It's your choice. However you choose, just enjoy.
I debuted this draft recap format last year, but you already knew that because you read it. I assume. Just play along. I need this. We'll show every pick round by round and I'll address my winner and loser for each round. Because that's what the internet is for: calling people losers and doing so not to their face.
As usual, some previous season deals made a couple teams rich in picks in the first few rounds while leaving a couple other teams poorer than the attendance of a WNBA game. That put the draft all out of whack, but Round 4 got us back in order. We'll go over that order now. And also, of course, before the picks, there were the keeps.
Draft Order and Keepers
1. Detox: RB Jamaal Charles (KC), RB Thomas Rawls (SEA)
2. Black Francis Soyer: QB Aaron Rodgers (GB), RB Adrian Peterson (MIN)
3. The Comeback Kid: WR Amari Cooper (OAK), WR Randall Cobb (GB)
4. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): QB Ben Roethlisberger (PIT), WR Jeremy Maclin (KC)
5. GameTime Decision: QB Andrew Luck (IND), WR Antonio Brown (PIT)
6. BLACK WALL STREET: WR Allen Robinson (JAC), WR Jarvis Landry (MIA)
7. STLiens: QB Cam Newton (CAR), WR Julio Jones (ATL)
8. Da,Pope: WR Dez Bryant (DAL), WR A.J. Green (CIN)
9. Hitmen: WR DeAndre Hopkins (HOU), TE Rob Gronkowski (NE)
10. EXPLOSIVE: WR Odell Beckham, Jr. (NYG), WR Sammy Watkins (BUF)
11. Allstate Mayhem: RB Todd Gurley (LA), RB David Johnson (ARI)
12. The Black & The Goaled: RB Le'Veon Bell (PIT), WR Demaryius Thomas (DEN)
Winner: Black Francis Soyer
What's the prize for taking a year off? Apparently it's the number one running back and number two quarterback on most fantasy rankings. Soyer comes into the draft with the steadiest base of keepers. Some question Peterson's value now that his QB Bridgewater is gone with a torn up knee. "Oh no! Defenses will key in on Adrian." Uhh, like they weren't doing that before. And how has that worked out for them? Also, living in the shadow of Brett Favre, Aaron Rodgers has made his own legendary name in Green Bay. If he had a John Madden, he'd be a first ballot hall of famer, too.
Here's proof no one can see the future. If anyone can, they should be hanged for not warning Detox that his two stud running backs would be questionable to start the season. The Seahawks claim Rawls will be ready for Week 1 and that he is the undisputed starter when healthy. That would be comforting except for the fact that even having to make those statements is off-putting. Meanwhile, Charles is still recovering from the injury that ended him early last season and is expected to miss the first week. Or two. Or who knows. But hey, it could've been worse for Detox; he could've kept Tony Romo.
Pick 1. Detox: RB Ezekiel Elliott (DAL)
Pick 2. Black Francis Soyer: RB Lamar Miller (HOU)
Pick 3. The Comeback Kid: TE Jordan Reed (WAS)
Pick 4. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): RB Devonta Freeman (ATL)
Pick 5. GameTime Decision: RB Eddie Lacy (GB)
Pick 6. BLACK WALL STREET: WR Keenan Allen (SD)
Pick 7. STLiens: RB Doug Martin (TB)
Pick 8. Da,Pope: RB Matt Forte (NYJ)
Pick 9. Hitmen: WR Alshon Jeffery (CHI)
Pick 10. EXPLOSIVE: RB Latavius Murray (OAK)
Pick 11. Detox: WR Mike Evans (TB)
Pick 12. The Black & The Goaled: RB Carlos Hyde (SF)
Everybody wanted Zeke Elliott. Everybody. You know you did. Stop lyin'. Stop. Lyin'! If Elliott wasn't a big enough catch, Detox also made great use of his second first round pick by nabbing receiver Mike Evans. Now that's value selection.
Loser: The Black & The Goaled
Carlos Hyde has missed 11 games over the past two seasons. Plus, backs Mark Ingram and LeSean McCoy were still on the board and they catch balls. Footballs to be specific. Maybe they catch other balls, too. I don't know what they do with their off time. But I know what they do with their on time. And as a former Hyde owner, I know what he did with his on time too: sat on my IR.
Side Note: The Comeback Kid wins the "While Supplies Last" award. Jordan Reed seems like a reach at Pick 3, but there's no way the Washington tight end would have made it back around to Kid at Pick 20. Especially with the first quarter of the next round belonging to one team.
Pick 13. EXPLOSIVE: WR Brandon Marshall (NYJ)
Pick 14. EXPLOSIVE: TE Coby Fleener (NO)
Pick 15. EXPLOSIVE: WR Brandin Cooks (NO)
Pick 16. Hitmen: RB Mark Ingram (NO)
Pick 17. Da,Pope: WR Jordy Nelson (GB)
Pick 18. STLiens: RB C.J. Anderson (DEN)
Pick 19. BLACK WALL STREET: RB LeSean McCoy (BUF)
Pick 20. GameTime Decision: RB Jonathan Stewart (CAR)
Pick 21. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): RB Jeremy Langford (CHI)
Pick 22. The Comeback Kid: WR Allen Hurns (JAC)
Pick 23. Black Francis Soyer: WR T Y Hilton (IND)
Pick 24. Allstate Mayhem: WR Julian Edelman (NE)
Matt Forte. Latavius Murray. Carlos Hyde. Those three lower value picks let Mark Ingram fall ever so gently into Hitmen's cradling waiting arms. Ingram was probably overlooked because he's not thought of as a PPR running back. But he caught more balls last year than Matt Forte, Latavius Murray, and Carlos Hyde. Ingram even outranked Freeman, Lacy, and Martin on some fantasy experts' boards, which would mean he should have gone at the 4th pick in this draft. That's a little crazy, though.
Surprise! How can the team with the first three--FIRST THREE!--picks in the round be the loser? Two things. For one, Coby Fleener was a major reach. Sure his numbers are expected to get a bump up in New Orleans, but they have nowhere to go but up to begin with. Many other better and proven tight ends were available, and, even if EXPLOSIVE really really really wanted Fleener, I think he could have gotten him in the 4th round. For two, two wide receivers were taken with these three picks and the team already has two wide receiver keepers. So now, you've got four good receivers and you can only start three. Why not use one of those picks to shore up your running back corps which at this point consists only of Raider Latavius Murray? As mentioned before, Ingram and McCoy are still out there at this point, but...*throws hands back* As Detox pointed out in the draft, "Mac you love B. Cooks lol" Uh huh. Love him so much, he made a permanent spot for him on his bench.
Side Note: The real winner of the round is New Orleans with the whole offense not named Brees taken in back-to-back-to-back picks. Not sure how our fantasy draft benefits the Saints, though. So nevermind.
Pick 25. Detox: WR Kelvin Benjamin (CAR)
Pick 26. Black Francis Soyer: WR Eric Decker (NYJ)
Pick 27. The Comeback Kid: RB Ryan Mathews (PHI)
Pick 28. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): WR Emmanuel Sanders (DEN)
Pick 29. GameTime Decision: WR Doug Baldwin (SEA)
Pick 30. BLACK WALL STREET: TE Travis Kelce (KC)
Pick 31. STLiens: TE Greg Olsen (CAR)
Pick 32. Da,Pope: RB Jeremy Hill (CIN)
Pick 33. Hitmen: WR Larry Fitzgerald (ARI)
Pick 34. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): TE Gary Barnidge (CLE)
Pick 35. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): TE Julius Thomas (JAC)
Pick 36. The Black & The Goaled: WR Josh Gordon (CLE)
With Gronkowski and Reed unavailable and other tight ends already going off the board, getting Olsen at #31 can be considered a steal. There's plenty to go around in Carolina's offense and Olsen has never been an issue. Plus, STLiens already has his QB Cam so we're talking double up points on touchdowns.
Loser: Allstate Mayhem
After yet another round without a pick, Allstate has only been granted 1 of the first 36 players off the board. That's two years in a row that the team was M.I.A. for the first three rounds. Then again, Allstate did go to the championship game last year, so maybe there's something to the strategy.
Side Note: Back 2 Black posted in the chat that he wanted to undo his third pick, but it fell on deaf ears. Or more like blind eyes. Probably because people don't like to read. But I wouldn't know what that's like because everybody reads these articles, amirite? Anyway, maybe we need to be on a 12-way conference call for future drafts and we can buzz in with air horns when we need to grab everyone's attention.
Pick 37. The Black & The Goaled: WR Golden Tate (DET)
Pick 38. Allstate Mayhem: TE Antonio Gates (SD)
Pick 39. EXPLOSIVE: QB Russell Wilson (SEA)
Pick 40. Hitmen: RB Matt Jones (WAS)
Pick 41. Da,Pope: QB Blake Bortles (JAC)
Pick 42. STLiens: WR DeVante Parker (MIA)
Pick 43. BLACK WALL STREET: RB DeMarco Murray (TEN)
Pick 44. GameTime Decision: WR John Brown (ARI)
Pick 45. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): WR Marvin Jones (DET)
Pick 46. The Comeback Kid: TE Delanie Walker (TEN)
Pick 47. Black Francis Soyer: TE Jimmy Graham (SEA)
Pick 48. Detox: WR DeSean Jackson (WAS)
Winner: BLACK WALL STREET
Everyone was asleep on Murray because of his sharp decline in Philadelphia from Dallas and because he was traded again after one season with the Eagles. Add to that the hype behind Titans rookie running back Derrick Henry and the Poo Poo Murray Train began chugging along. But did you see Murray bust one for 17 in the third preseason game? Did you see him average 5 yards a carry in that one too? I'm betting Black Wall Street did. I think Murray is ready to prove all the haters wrong. And just in case he's not, Black Wall Street picked up Henry a couple rounds later. Hey, ya gotta diversify.
Loser: GameTime Decision
To be honest, I don't think John Brown was a loser pick. The problem is, I can't justify any picks in this round as the loser or the worst or even the least best. But I gotta name somebody, so I'll name me. Bring on the angry emails, me!
Side Note: Like Reed in Round 1, Antonio Gates is a reach at the top of Round 4 but had to be picked because he wouldn't have made it back to Allstate at the bottom of Round 5.
Pick 49. Detox: QB Drew Brees (NO)
Pick 50. Black Francis Soyer: WR Michael Crabtree (OAK)
Pick 51. The Comeback Kid: QB Eli Manning (NYG)
Pick 52. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): QB Tom Brady (NE)
Pick 53. GameTime Decision: TE Zach Ertz (PHI)
Pick 54. BLACK WALL STREET: QB Jameis Winston (TB)
Pick 55. STLiens: WR Kevin White (CHI)
Pick 56. Da,Pope: DL J.J. Watt (HOU)
Pick 57. Hitmen: QB Carson Palmer (ARI)
Pick 58. EXPLOSIVE: QB Matthew Stafford (DET)
Pick 59. Allstate Mayhem: WR Donte Moncrief (IND)
Pick 60. The Black & The Goaled: QB Kirk Cousins (WAS)
Winner: Back 2 Black (Charged Up)
We all know what happens when the Patriots feel they've been wronged. Brady will only play 12 games, but he'll score like he played 18. Black will just have to "suffer" for 4 weeks with Roethlisberger. Oh how will he ever survive?
Jay Cutler sucks, ergo Kevin White sucks. Okay, that's pretty harsh. White was injured his rookie preseason and has yet to play a pro down that counts. Maybe he'll be good. We don't know. But we do know Jay Cutler will not.
Pick 61. The Black & The Goaled: RB Isaiah Crowell (CLE)
Pick 62. Allstate Mayhem: QB Philip Rivers (SD)
Pick 63. EXPLOSIVE: RB Arian Foster (MIA)
Pick 64. Hitmen: WR Jordan Matthews (PHI)
Pick 65. Da,Pope: TE Zach Miller (CHI)
Pick 66. STLiens: RB Giovani Bernard (CIN)
Pick 67. BLACK WALL STREET: RB Derrick Henry (TEN)
Pick 68. GameTime Decision: LB Luke Kuechly (CAR)
Pick 69. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): RB Duke Johnson (CLE)
Pick 70. The Comeback Kid: RB T.J. Yeldon (JAC)
Pick 71. Black Francis Soyer: RB Chris Ivory (JAC)
Pick 72. Detox: TE Eric Ebron (DET)
Winner(s): Allstate Mayhem, EXPLOSIVE
Allstate snags an underrated QB in Rivers who will not only deliver him points but also pairs nicely for double ups with his TE Gates grabbed two rounds earlier. Speaking of fantasy-gloried injury risks, EXPLOSIVE walks away with Arian Foster who may not play all 16, but will play the hell out of whatever games he makes it into.
Every year, Ebron has high expectations. And every year, he leaves us wondering why. This year should be no different.
Side Note: We have two cases of two running backs from the same team being selected in this round. First we have the peculiar case of Cleveland backup Isaiah Crowell going 8 picks ahead of starter Duke Johnson. What's more interesting are the back-to-back picks of Jaguars T.J. Yeldon and Chris Ivory. Yeldon may be the starter in theory, but this has committee written all over it.
Pick 73. Detox: WR Michael Floyd (ARI)
Pick 74. Black Francis Soyer: RB DeAngelo Williams (PIT)
Pick 75. The Comeback Kid: WR Stefon Diggs (MIN)
Pick 76. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): D/ST Seahawks (SEA)
Pick 77. GameTime Decision: DL Khalil Mack (OAK)
Pick 78. BLACK WALL STREET: TE Martellus Bennett (NE)
Pick 79. STLiens: TE Jason Witten (DAL)
Pick 80. Da,Pope: WR Vincent Jackson (TB)
Pick 81. Hitmen: RB Ameer Abdullah (DET)
Pick 82. EXPLOSIVE: TE Ladarius Green (PIT)
Pick 83. Allstate Mayhem: WR Tyler Lockett (SEA)
Pick 84. The Black & The Goaled: WR Willie Snead (NO)
Winner(s): Detox, Black Francis Soyer
Okay, maybe I'm playing a little fast and loose choosing multiple winners, but I gotta acknowledge that Michael Floyd at #73 is a solid win. If Detox had swapped his back-to-back picks, he would've won the last round alone and we wouldn't have this back-to-back co-winner rounds mess. As far as his co-winner Black Francis Soyer, think about this: if Le'Veon Bell did not exist, where would DeAngelo Williams rank on fantasy boards? ... Uh huh. Pretty high. Top ten, twelve at least. And yet, with Bell basically not existing for three games, Williams is the 25th running back drafted in a keeper league where 6 running backs were already out of play. DeAngelo Williams at #74? Big ol' winnies.
Ladarius Green? No. No no no no no.
Side Note: A couple tight ends of note were taken in this round. First, Martellus Bennett, who experts have referred to as the most talented tight end to ever play opposite Rob Gronkowski. Second, Jason Witten, who took a dip a couple years ago, but saw a bit of a resurgence last year. Even with a new QB, Witten should do well enough to get the job done.
Pick 85. The Black & The Goaled: RB Melvin Gordon (SD)
Pick 86. Allstate Mayhem: RB Danny Woodhead (SD)
Pick 87. EXPLOSIVE: RB Justin Forsett (BAL)
Pick 88. Hitmen: DB Reshad Jones (MIA)
Pick 89. Da,Pope: RB Frank Gore (IND)
Pick 90. STLiens: D/ST Panthers (CAR)
Pick 91. BLACK WALL STREET: K Stephen Gostkowski (NE)
Pick 92. GameTime Decision: D/ST Cardinals (ARI)
Pick 93. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): LB Lavonte David (TB)
Pick 94. The Comeback Kid: RB Charles Simms (TB)
Pick 95. Black Francis Soyer: D/ST Broncos (DEN)
Pick 96. Detox: D/ST Rams (LA)
Pope grabbed a clear starting running back in the 8th round. The other teams avoided him because it's Frank Gore. The same Frank Gore who hasn't missed a game since 2010. The same Frank Gore who finished last season as the 13th best fantasy running back. The same Frank Gore who has rejects Robert Turbin and Stevan Ridley as his competition. Yes, Frank Gore is old by running back standards. But he was old last year, too.
Loser: BLACK WALL STREET
Kickers, man. Don't nobody need no kicker this early. Plus, it's the Patriots' kicker. Gostkowski is good, but Tom Brady ain't settling for no field goals. And they're going for two every time. It's called the F**k Goodell Offense.
Side Note: It's at this point that The Comeback Kid began auto picking. I guess when you gotta go, you gotta go.
Pick 97. Detox: LB Chandler Jones (ARI)
Pick 98. Black Francis Soyer: D/ST Patriots (NE)
Pick 99. The Comeback Kid: LB Navorro Bowman (SF)
Pick 100. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): DL Robert Quinn (LA)
Pick 101. GameTime Decision: RB Rashad Jennings (NYG)
Pick 102. BLACK WALL STREET: RB Jay Ajayi (MIA)
Pick 103. STLiens: QB Matt Ryan (ATL)
Pick 104. Da,Pope: D/ST Bengals (CIN)
Pick 105. Hitmen: D/ST Texans (HOU)
Pick 106. EXPLOSIVE: D/ST Jets (NYJ)
Pick 107. Allstate Mayhem: D/ST Chiefs (KC)
Pick 108. The Black & The Goaled: LB Alec Ogletree (LA)
Winner: GameTime Decision
Was it a glamorous pick? No. But Jennings is the starter and we're all the way down in Round 9. A heavy dose of defensive picks in the round makes Jennings a standout.
STLiens already has Cam Newton who will start in the lineup every week, so when it comes to picking a backup, why not live a little? Other fun options available at the time include Derek Carr, RGIII, and Marcus Mariota. Sure, picking Matt Ryan means STLiens won't ever have to worry about facing the QB of his top receiver Julio Jones, but I don't think that was going to happen anyway.
Pick 109. The Black & The Goaled: DB John Cyprien (JAC)
Pick 110. Allstate Mayhem: DL Calais Campbell (ARI)
Pick 111. EXPLOSIVE: LB C.J. Mosley (BAL)
Pick 112. Hitmen: QB Derek Carr (OAK)
Pick 113. Da,Pope: TE Jared Cook (GB)
Pick 114. STLiens: DL Cameron Jordan (NO)
Pick 115. BLACK WALL STREET: WR Michael Thomas (NO)
Pick 116. GameTime Decision: DB Corey Graham (BUF)
Pick 117. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): K Graham Gano (CAR)
Pick 118. The Comeback Kid: RB Theo Riddick (DET)
Pick 119. Black Francis Soyer: K Steven Hauschka (SEA)
Pick 120. Detox: DL Fletcher Cox (PHI)
Fletcher Cox finished as a top-4 fantasy lineman each of the last two seasons. He finished 2nd last season. And Detox got him as the 6th lineman off the board.
Loser(s): Back 2 Black (Charged Up), Black Francis Soyer
Only because kickers bore me and I can't really find any loser picks in this round.
Pick 121. Detox: DB Earl Thomas (SEA)
Pick 122. Black Francis Soyer: WR Travis Benjamin (SD)
Pick 123. The Comeback Kid: RB Shane Vereen (NYG)
Pick 124. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): WR Tavon Austin (LA)
Pick 125. GameTime Decision: RB DeAndre Washington
Pick 126. BLACK WALL STREET: LB Bobby Wagner (SEA)
Pick 127. STLiens: WR Corey Coleman (CLE)
Pick 128. Da,Pope: LB DeAndre Levy (DET)
Pick 129. Hitmen: DL Muhammad Wilkerson (NYJ)
Pick 130. EXPLOSIVE: DB Landon Collins (NYG)
Pick 131. Allstate Mayhem: LB D'Qwell Jackson (IND)
Pick 132. The Black & The Goaled: TE Austin Seferian-Jenkins (TB)
Winner: Black Francis Soyer
With Steve Johnson out, Travis Benjamin should fill in nicely for some good ol' Fightin' Philip Rivers targets.
Thomas has finished 20th (or muuuch worse) among defensive backs over the last two seasons. He plays for the Seahawks and DBs on good defenses don't see a lot of action come their way.
Side Note: I almost made it a two-winner round with STLiens' Corey Coleman pick in serious consideration. The rookie receiver has been getting a fair amount of hype. I just need a little more confidence in RGIII before I can say this pick is equal to Soyer's.
Pick 133. The Black & The Goaled: D/ST Bills (BUF)
Pick 134. Allstate Mayhem: K Dan Bailey (DAL)
Pick 135. EXPLOSIVE: DL Ezekiel Ansah (DET)
Pick 136. Hitmen: LB Sean Lee (DAL)
Pick 137. Da,Pope: D/ST Vikings (MIN)
Pick 138. STLiens: D/ST Packers (GB)
Pick 139. BLACK WALL STREET: DB Kam Chancellor (SEA)
Pick 140. GameTime Decision: WR Torrey Smith (SF)
Pick 141. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): D/ST Eagles (PHI)
Pick 142. The Comeback Kid: RB Bilal Powell (NYJ)
Pick 143. Black Francis Soyer: RB Darren Sproles (PHI)
Pick 144. Detox: K Blair Walsh (MIN)
Winner: Black Francis Soyer
Sproles finishes in the top 35 of running backs every year, which means Black Francis has nabbed a top-notch flex player 143 picks into the draft.
Loser: The Comeback Kid
Autopicker just picked three straight backup running backs in a row for Comeback. Riddick is fine. Vereen is...not terrible. But then comes Powell and that's just too much. Change it up, autopicker!
Pick 145. Detox: QB Andy Dalton (CIN)
Pick 146. Black Francis Soyer: LB Telvin Smith (JAC)
Pick 147. The Comeback Kid: D/ST Titans (TEN)
Pick 148. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): K Justin Tucker (BAL)
Pick 149. GameTime Decision: QB Dak Prescott (DAL)
Pick 150. BLACK WALL STREET: DL Carlos Dunlap (CIN)
Pick 151. STLiens: LB Brandon Marshall (DEN)
Pick 152. Da,Pope: DB Tyrann Mathieu (ARI)
Pick 153. Hitmen: LB Paul Posluszny (JAC)
Pick 154. EXPLOSIVE: LB Karlos Dansby (CIN)
Pick 155. Allstate Mayhem: DB Morgan Burnett (GB)
Pick 156. The Black & The Goaled: DL Everson Griffen (MIN)
Winner: GameTime Decision
And the "Take A Chance On A Black Man" award goes to me. Dak is a rookie QB but he was ballin' in preseason. All the analysts want to say "that means nothing" and "wait until defenses key in on him when the games count" and "blah blah negative blah." But I got a feeling that if Rams rookie Goff had played like Prescott did in the preseason, they'd be calling that goofball the next Brett Favre.
Loser: Back 2 Black (Charged Up)
Two kickers? Two??? Come on, man. You should be suspended.
Pick 157. The Black & The Goaled: K Chandler Catanzaro (ARI)
Pick 158. Allstate Mayhem: TE Dwayne Allen (IND)
Pick 159. EXPLOSIVE: RB Alfred Morris (DAL)
Pick 160. Hitmen: K Mason Crosby (GB)
Pick 161. Da,Pope: QB Tyrod Taylor (BUF)
Pick 162. STLiens: DB Ha Ha Clinton-Dix
Pick 163. BLACK WALL STREET: QB Robert Griffin III (CLE)
Pick 164. GameTime Decision: TE Charles Clay (BUF)
Pick 165. Back 2 Black (Charged Up): DB Barry Church (DAL)
Pick 166. The Comeback Kid: K Cody Parkey (PHI)
Pick 167. Black Francis Soyer: DB Harrison Smith (MIN)
Pick 168. Detox: RB LeGarrette Blount (NE)
Winner: BLACK WALL STREET
And the winner of the "Take A Chance On Another Black Man" award goes to BLACK WALL STREET. I'm eager to see what Griffin does with the Browns this year. After their carousel of quarterbacks over the last two decades and their puzzling flirtation with Johnny "The Debacle" Manziel over the last two seasons, the Browns may finally have a long-term signal caller. RGIII has to make this one work out; the NFL won't give him another chance.
Loser: The Comeback Kid
This is a little bit of a cheat. If I was writing this immediately after the draft, I wouldn't be able to choose a loser from this round. But I'm writing this a week later and after we now know that Parkey was cut by the Eagles. So Comeback Kid gets the (dis)honor. But, he can take comfort in knowing a computer made the pick.
Side Note: Alfred Morris in the 14th round. How the mighty have fallen. But he still made it off the board before LeGarrette Blount. Why no love for Blount, y'all?
Pick 169. Detox: WR Markus Wheaton (PIT)
Pick 170. Black Francis Soyer: DL Cameron Wake (MIA)
Pick 171. The Comeback Kid: DB Janoris Jenkins (NYG)
Pick 172. GameTime Decision: K Cairo Santos (KC)
Pick 173. BLACK WALL STREET: D/ST Cowboys (DAL)
Pick 174. STLiens: K Adam Vinatieri (IND)
Pick 175. Da,Pope: K Chris Boswell (PIT)
Pick 176. Hitmen: TE Vance McDonald (SF)
Pick 177. EXPLOSIVE: K Brandon McManus (DEN)
Pick 178. Allstate Mayhem: QB Marcus Mariota (TEN)
Pick 179. The Black & The Goaled: DB T.J. McDonald (LA)
Winner: Allstate Mayhem
Last year, I was ripping Mayhem for his QB selection. I mean, Blake Bortles? What did that guy ever do? ... Finished 4th in points you say? Whoops. I got that wrong. This year, I love all of Mayhem's quarterback choices. I wouldn't be surprised if Rivers ends up on Mayhem's bench by Week 4 with Mariota taking over the lead.
Loser: Black Francis Soyer
Black Francis himself has said the Cameron Wake pick was a mistake. That makes this choice easy then.
Side Note: Back 2 Black was the first team finished drafting and had no more picks beginning with this round. That means he missed out on making all sorts of sexy selections like... Vance McDonald and... Chris Boswell. Dante Fowler. Oh, this is depressing. End this draft already.
Pick 180. The Black & The Goaled: QB Ryan Fitzpatrick (NYJ)
Pick 181. Allstate Mayhem: WR Dorial Green-Beckham (PHI)
Pick 182. Hitmen: D/ST Dolphins (MIA)
Pick 183. Da,Pope: RB Tevin Coleman (ATL)
Pick 184. STLiens: RB Devontae Booker (DEN)
Pick 185. BLACK WALL STREET: WR Sterling Shepard (NYG)
Pick 186. GameTime Decision: RB James Starks (GB)
Pick 187. The Comeback Kid: DL Dante Fowler (JAC)
Pick 188. Black Francis Soyer: QB Joe Flacco (BAL)
Pick 189. Detox: RB Chris Thompson (WAS)
Winner: BLACK WALL STREET
Fantasy experts love rookie receiver Shepard. He is the number 2 and Eli is going to have to throw the ball somewhere when Beckham is triple covered on every play.
Loser: Allstate Mayhem
Even the Eagles don't like Green-Beckham.
Side Note: Black Francis Soyer waited until his dead last pick to get a backup QB. That's how you do it when you've got Aaron Motherbleepin' Rodgers.
Pick 190. Allstate Mayhem: WR Chris Hogan (NE)
Pick 191. The Black & The Goaled: LB Jadaveon Clowney (HOU)
Winner: Allstate Mayhem
Only two picks this round so somebody has to win by default. Also, Hogan may get a little Gronk/Edelman/Bennett spillover in Tom Brady's F**k Goodell Offense.
Loser: The Black & The Goaled
Jadaveon Clowney has proven nothing. Nothing.
Pick 192. Allstate Mayhem: RB James White (NE)
Winner: Allstate Mayhem
Boy, Allstate really loves the Patriots, huh?
Loser: Allstate Mayhem
It's the only pick.
Those are my winners and losers of the 2016 Gateway Fantasy Football Draft. Did you agree? Who were your winners and losers of each round? You kept track, didn't you? Share your winners and losers with everyone.
We'll close this out with a look at Week 1's fantasy matchups. Reigning champion The Black & The Goaled takes on newly returned Black Francis Soyer in the first fight for first place in the North Division. Meanwhile, the other northern team Hitmen takes on BLACK WALL STREET from the east. The 2015 runner up Allstate Mayhem goes at it with 2014 winner Da,Pope in an East Division struggler. A South Division battle breaks out between last year's conference champion EXPLOSIVE and division loser GameTime Decision. Loser? Hey, that hurts! The third southerner STLiens dukes it out with Back 2 Black (CHARGED UP) in the west. And last but not least, two teams that missed last year's playoffs throw down in a West Division brawl when The Comeback Kid meets Detox.
The season kicks off Thursday night with an instant rematch from the Super Bowl when the Panthers go to Denver. Why the NFL would make this matchup the last and first games between seasons, I don't know. I personally would have preferred a little more space between the rematch, but hey, they're not paying me $32 million a year to make those decisions.
Don't forget to make your pick 'em picks if you're doing that. Set them like you set your lineup: before the games start.
Welcome to the new season. I hope you get everything you want except a win against me. I'm looking at you EXPLOSIVE. Time to get that ass beat.
~That Breaking It Down Mofo~