Thanks For Coming
Welcome to your new sometimes-source for entertainment, ThatBeardedMofo.com.
This home page will always give you the lowdown on the most recently posted articles and fun bits. Not to be confused with naughty bits. That's a different website. Thatshavedmofo.com, I believe.
You know what's fun? Scoring the 3rd most points in the fantasy league over the weekend. You know what's not fun? Playing against the team that scored the most. Happy Thanksgiving to me. Sheesh.
I guess things could've been worse. Not really. I could've gotten my finger dislocated like Derek Carr. Nope. Or I could've been one of the poor saps who saw Carr's dislocated finger because the channels replayed it over and over. I was. Or I could be a Panthers fan. What. The hell. Has happened? Or a Browns fan. N/A
Well, it's week 13 and you know what that mean. It means I wrap up the season by rapping up the season. Before you get too excited, just know that, this year, there is no track that you can just hit play to hear. Due to an unrelentingly busy schedule, That Bearded Mofo was unable to step into a booth this year to churn out your hit. I know, it's sad, I know. ...Read More
Ahhh, it's that time of year. Charlie Brown specials. An abundance of special offers and sales. And orange everywhere. Just a boatload of orange food and stuff. Why is everything so orange?
Before you settle in with your loved ones for your old family tradition, let's settle in for our young one. It's time for the Thanksgiving 2016 Screwy Awards! In this special annual version of the event, Screwys are handed out by turkeys--this year's turkeys to be exact. Shhh! The show is starting.
It's fitting that this person lead off our presenters tonight ...Read More
The NFL may have had its best week of the season. Close games and wild finishes made that so. The Cowboys-Steelers game featured 6 two-point attempts, all of which failed. The Patriots couldn't tie the Seahawks after several tries from the 1-yard line. And the Rams and Jets were in a nailbiter of a--okay, I'm lying on that one. It ended 9-6. They couldn't even give their three viewers at home a touchdown for their troubles. Shameful.
We're deep into fall which is that education time of the year. On that note, lets ring that school bell for the eighth time for...Learning Your ABC's with That Bearded Mofo
Brought to you by SmackMack's Labius Corpus: America's #1 XXX-themed legal service. Our girls will get you off while they get you off, only at Labius Corpus! ...Read More
I'm a mind reader. I can prove it. I know what you thought when you read the title of this piece. "What?" you exclaimed with your nose scrunched and your voice inflected as though someone just told you Santa Claus had to use your toothbrush to scrub the bananas.
One is a White woman who got busted on video for pretending to be Black. The other is a White man who got busted on tape for hating Blacks. What could the Dolezal and Sterling stories possibly have in common? Nothing.
Well, one thing. For me, personally. And it's the only reason I put their stories together in this question. Both of these stories were something I saw on the Internet first thing in the morning. Both were stories that made me laugh out loud. ...Read More
I have no words.
And because I have no words, this is going to be a quick one.
I'd love to be able to point out the bright side or say something that makes you feel like everything is going to be all right. But I can't. ...View More
Did anybody go up against a QB who broke his team's franchise record and put up almost 50 fantasy points this weekend? No? Just me? Okay. Jesus, Derek Carr...
Also, has anybody else noticed that, no matter how much Tom Brady goes off ...Read More
My fellow Fantasy Americans,
The season is halfway over. Many have said it has gone on too long, that there are too many debates. Do I start Devonta Freeman or Tevin Coleman? Is Ty Montgomery a wide receiver or a running back? ...Read More
Well this week sucked. That's all I have to say about that.
Actually, I have a little more to say about it. It sucked big. There. I said it. This week was brutal. It was bloodier than Cleveland pitcher Trevor Bauer's finger.
Seen any good videos lately?
I tried watching that Trump bus video everyone is talking about, but it was so dirty it gave my computer a virus. Billy Bush got suspended for the frat boy lackey role he played in the 11-year-old video. Makes his role as Ryan Lochte apologist more understandable now. Still not acceptable, but ...Read More
Everybody says Odell Beckham, Jr. needs to calm down. How can he remain calm when Kim Kardashian was robbed at gunpoint in Paris?! How can he remain calm when Donald Trump ain't paid taxes in 18 years?! How can he remain calm when there's pens and pineapples and apples and pens running loose on the streets?! ...Read More