That Bearded Mofo

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Welcome to your new sometimes-source for entertainment,

This home page will always give you the lowdown on the most recently posted articles and fun bits. Not to be confused with naughty bits. That's a different website., I believe.


The Fantasy Oscars

image shaved off Well this week sucked. That's all I have to say about that.

Actually, I have a little more to say about it. It sucked big. There. I said it. This week was brutal. It was bloodier than Cleveland pitcher Trevor Bauer's finger.

Did you know he wanted to burn his leaking finger shut with a soldering iron? Bad idea. Almost as bad an idea as it was starting all the players we're honoring tonight. That's right. As we move ever closer to awards season, it's time to acknowledge the ugly and praise the pitiful. It's time for the 26th Annual Red Robin White Castle Blue Apron Screwy Awards! Let's pop open the first envelope, which is for biggest booby QB. ...Read More


Dissed Connections

image shaved off Seen any good videos lately?

I tried watching that Trump bus video everyone is talking about, but it was so dirty it gave my computer a virus. Billy Bush got suspended for the frat boy lackey role he played in the 11-year-old video. Makes his role as Ryan Lochte apologist more understandable now. Still not acceptable, but understandable.

In non-slimy news, Trump's buddy Tom Brady returned from suspension in full form, tossing 3 TDs, all to TE Martellus Bennett. Don't worry; Gronk owners still had plenty to be happy about with 5 catches for 109 yards. Brady was only outdone this week by Roethlisberger who Trump simultaneously praised and called a tree murderer. I cannot make this stuff up. ...Read More


Mid Mid Terms

image shaved off Everybody says Odell Beckham, Jr. needs to calm down. How can he remain calm when Kim Kardashian was robbed at gunpoint in Paris?! How can he remain calm when Donald Trump ain't paid taxes in 18 years?! How can he remain calm when there's pens and pineapples and apples and pens running loose on the streets?!

How can anyone remain calm when we're four weeks into the season and we have no idea what the hell is going on. The Patriots got blanked at home for the first time since 1993 and the Ryan Bros. Bills are the ones that did it to them. The Vikings are 4-0 without Adrian and Teddy while the Panthers and Cardinals are 1-3 with Cam and Carson. Also, the Raiders and the Rams are 3-1. And the Cleveland Browns... Well, they're the only winless team, so that story lines up. But everything else is crazy! ...Read More

Mofo's Choice

Which Is Worse: Rachel Dolezal or Donald Sterling?

image shaved off I'm a mind reader. I can prove it. I know what you thought when you read the title of this piece. "What?" you exclaimed with your nose scrunched and your voice inflected as though someone just told you Santa Claus had to use your toothbrush to scrub the bananas.

One is a White woman who got busted on video for pretending to be Black. The other is a White man who got busted on tape for hating Blacks. What could the Dolezal and Sterling stories possibly have in common? Nothing.

Well, one thing. For me, personally. And it's the only reason I put their stories together in this question. Both of these stories were something I saw on the Internet first thing in the morning. Both were stories that made me laugh out loud. ...Read More

The Other

The Unusual Suspects

image shaved off One debate down. Too many more to go.

It's the opposite with weeks of the NFL. Three are in the books, which means we've only got ten left before the playoffs. We'll be down to single digits after next week! Noooo, football, don't leave us! ...View More

Screwy Gutter Cake

image shaved off Just days after a bomb goes off in New York, Angelina Jolie files for divorce from Brad Pitt. Coincidence?

Of course. Why would those incidents be related?

On another unrelated note, the Emmys telecast aired just a couple days ago ...Read More

No Apologies... Okay, Just A Few

image shaved off It feels good to start the fantasy season off with a win. That probably feels like a bit of salt in the wound to all those who lost Week 1, but... What can I say? I'm sorry...

...that I'm not sorry.

There's a few other things from this week that ...Read More


With Great Draft Comes Great Responsibility

image shaved off Draft day is here! Draft day is here!

Well, actually it was eight days ago. Sure, we could draft after teams make their final roster cuts. Sure, we could draft Labor Day weekend when almost every American has a God-given extra day off. But why ...View More


image shaved off In case you missed it last week, the three North American leaders met for the world's most awkward handshake. But calling a handshake awkward is like calling a milkshake tasty.

Handshakes are silly. You wrap your fingers around ...Read More


image shaved off Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor Hodor, Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor, Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor.

Hodor, Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor ...Read More

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