That Bearded Mofo

Thanks For Coming

Welcome to your new sometimes-source for entertainment,

This home page will always give you the lowdown on the most recently posted articles and fun bits. Not to be confused with naughty bits. That's a different website., I believe.


Screwy Gutter Cake

image shaved off Just days after a bomb goes off in New York, Angelina Jolie files for divorce from Brad Pitt. Coincidence?

Of course. Why would those incidents be related?

On another unrelated note, the Emmys telecast aired just a couple days ago. So many awards shows. The last thing we need is another awards show. So how about another awards show?

It's time to dump sarcastic praise onto the flaming pile that is your fantasy team. It's time for the 25th Annual Screwy Awards! And this actually is the 25th time we've done this, just not the 25th year. But 25 is quite an accomplishment. I mean that's more than the amount of receiving yards the Cardinals' John Brown has for the season. In two games. Two!! I'm not bitter. ...Read More


No Apologies... Okay, Just A Few

image shaved off It feels good to start the fantasy season off with a win. That probably feels like a bit of salt in the wound to all those who lost Week 1, but... What can I say? I'm sorry...

...that I'm not sorry.

There's a few other things from this week that I'm unapologetic about which I'd like to cover in my new segment Sorry I'm Not Sorry.

Sorry I'm not sorry the L.A. Rams got shut out opening weekend.
And were the only team to do so. And got blown out by four touchdowns. ...Read More


With Great Draft Comes Great Responsibility

image shaved off Draft day is here! Draft day is here!

Well, actually it was eight days ago. Sure, we could draft after teams make their final roster cuts. Sure, we could draft Labor Day weekend when almost every American has a God-given extra day off. But why do that when we can pick before some NFL teams even know who their starting quarterback is?

Before we take a look at the draft, I have to start by congratulating the previous year's league winner. The 2015 champion was none other than our commish extraordinaire The Black & The Goaled! Let's all give him a round of hissing boos--I mean, applause. A round of applause. Yippee yippee yayyy! Go awayyy! We hate you!

Now that that's out of the way, let's open the doors on season 12 of Gateway Fantasy Football. ...Read More

Mofo's Choice

Which Is Worse: Rachel Dolezal or Donald Sterling?

image shaved off I'm a mind reader. I can prove it. I know what you thought when you read the title of this piece. "What?" you exclaimed with your nose scrunched and your voice inflected as though someone just told you Santa Claus had to use your toothbrush to scrub the bananas.

One is a White woman who got busted on video for pretending to be Black. The other is a White man who got busted on tape for hating Blacks. What could the Dolezal and Sterling stories possibly have in common? Nothing.

Well, one thing. For me, personally. And it's the only reason I put their stories together in this question. Both of these stories were something I saw on the Internet first thing in the morning. Both were stories that made me laugh out loud. ...Read More

The Other


image shaved off In case you missed it last week, the three North American leaders met for the world's most awkward handshake. But calling a handshake awkward is like calling a milkshake tasty.

Handshakes are silly. You wrap your fingers around ...Read More


image shaved off Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor Hodor, Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor, Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor. Hodor Hodor.

Hodor, Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor. Hodor ...Read More

The Lottery

image shaved off Now that the Powerball total has reached 28 Oprah piggy back rides, everyone and their parole officer is out buying up tickets.

The lottery is a tax on the poor. That statement has floated around for years and has stopped approximately 0 people from playing. ...View More



image shaved off Bearded Mofo's War Journal
Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Jingle bells. Calvin smells. Vernon laid an egg. Steve Harvey can't quite read and the Internet made him pay. Hey!

...Read More


image shaved off Bearded Mofo's War Journal
Tuesday, December 15, 2015

It's so haaarararaaard to say goodbyyyye to fantasyyyyy-eeee ee ee ee eeee!

Four more brothers
...Read More


image shaved off Bearded Mofo's War Journal
Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Another year in this heck hole.

Yeah, I said "heck hole". I gets real like that.
...Read More

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